Just One of Those Days
by Codaram
Summary: A collection of short one-shots about the unseen (and often hilarious) side to Naruto's and Hinata's relationship. Summary will change depending on most recent chapter. Current: "Wait until it comes out the other end," said Naruto. "That's the real reason why this stuff is so expensive." Hinata blinked. "The 'other' end?" she repeated, "Naruto-kun…what do you mean by that?"
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Hey all!

If you're reading this, that means you've decided to check out my new series of Naru-Hina one-shots! That also means that you rock!

This is the place for those that want to catch up with Naruto and Hinata at various stages in their relationship. They might still be in the Academy, or married, or anywhere in between, and they're bound to get into all kinds of trouble. While I have several ideas up my sleeve, I'll also be glad to write about what you guys would like to see, so leave a review or send a PM with your ideas!

Out of the two immediately available, this one was my favorite, so I decided to start strong. Idea suggested by **Foolish Little Brother**.

* * *

**-A Noodley Love-**

Naruto Uzumaki awoke to unusual circumstances.

It wasn't apparent at first. Everything seemed like normal: the birds outside were far too loud, the sun far too bright, and the entirety of the room apart from underneath his sheets far too cold. Hinata had begun spending the night at his apartment more and more often, and while that had made his mornings much easier to deal with, her absence was the first thing he noticed.

His hand reached out and patted the emptiness around him, as he was too lazy to just crack open one eye and look for himself. The hand searched the rest of the bed, thinking that perhaps Hinata simply rolled over in her sleep, but once it came around to the conclusion that Hinata wasn't actually there, he lazily rolled to his side.

"Hinata?" he said quietly, rubbing his eyes. "You there?"

There was a thud when he accidentally rolled too far off the bed, landing on his face, and for a few seconds, he simply lay there, grateful no one had seen that. His hands fumbled around for his nightstand, which he used to hoist himself back up to his feet. He smelled at the air.

That was when he realized he had awoken to 'unusual' circumstances. In ways that was only possible through someone like Naruto, this had something to do with Ramen. But it wasn't because it was what he smelled.

It was because he _couldn't_ smell it.

"Uhhh…Hinata?" he called once again, peeking through the hallway. "Where are you?"

His first thought was that she had gotten up early to make them some breakfast. By her own admission, the way Naruto scrambled into the kitchen half-naked was worth rolling out of bed first, and it wasn't too far outside the realm of possibility that the reason he couldn't smell his beloved ramen was that it was being overpowered by another odor.

But as he inched closer and closer to the kitchen, his other smell theory became less and less plausible. Someone was in the kitchen, but they had not answered Naruto's calls, leading him to believe that it was not Hinata. His steps grew more cautious. Just what was going on here?

"Hey, Hinata!" he suddenly yelled, testing the intruder. He heard someone swear under their breath, and the sounds coming from the kitchen grew more frantic. It sounded like they were trying to finish up some dastardly business before they made a break for it.

Naruto leaped into the kitchen, diving onto the floor, rolling over to the counter, and grabbing the first thing he could get his hands on, which happened to be a frying pan. He was in mid-swing, and inches from the intruder's face, before he realized that it was in fact, Hinata. Jerking his arm to stop his attack proved costly, as the sudden shift in momentum threw him off balance, and he tumbled back to the floor, crashing into a chair.

"N-Naruto-kun! Are you alright?" Hinata hurried over to see if he was alright, setting something down on the counter.

"I think so…" Naruto replied, rubbing his head, now sporting a fresh bump. "Why didn't you answer me when I was calling you? I thought someone had broken in or something!"

Hinata suddenly seemed to remember what she had been up to, and hurried back over to the counter to shove whatever she had set down behind her back. Naruto tried to peek around her, but she moved back in the way.

"Hey, what have you got back there?" he asked.

"N-nothing," Hinata said, with a squeak in her voice. "Do you w-want some breakfast? I could m-maybe go out and—" She gasped in surprise when Naruto jumped up at her, attempting to duck underneath her arm. She got there fast enough, but unfortunately for her, Naruto knew where she was ticklish.

"S-s-stop!" she squealed in between giggles, falling onto his arm. Without missing a beat, Naruto sat her down in the other chair, and turned back to what she had been hiding.

"Hinata?" he said, his voice dripping with disbelief. "Why do you have all of my ramen in a bag? In a bag marked 'trash'?"

He spun on his heels and looked at her with the biggest puppy dog eyes she had ever seen. "You w-weren't going to throw away all my ramen, w-were you?"

Hinata fiddled with her pajamas. "Well…"

And then Naruto realized something. "Wait a minute…the ramen that was in that bag. I had a lot more in the apartment. Where'd the rest of it go?"

* * *

"Nooooooo!"

Naruto kneeled in front of the dumpster, where his precious ramen had been unceremoniously dumped. Hinata stood nearby, looking as ashamed as she could be.

"Maybe some of it's still good…" Naruto said to himself, pulling himself up to look inside. Immediately he was assaulted by the foulest of odors, and with a cough and a wheeze, fell back to the ground.

"Why? Why would you do this to me?" he asked, turning to face Hinata. "Did I make you angry? Just talk to me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Naruto-kun!" Hinata replied, biting her lip "It's just, you've eaten nothing but ramen for the past few days, and I was starting to worry about your health. I went to Sakura, and she told me—"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto growled, shaking his fist. "She always hated my relationship with ramen! I guess she's the one who told you to throw it all out?"

Hinata nodded. "Y-yes. She said this was her chance to make sure you ate a little healthier. She asked me to take care of what we had at home, while she went around and—"

"But she didn't get all of it, did she?" Naruto cackled, rushing over to the bag Hinata had by her side. "It's not a lot, but at least I woke up before you…"

The bag was empty. The trash can behind Hinata, was not.

"Noooooooooo!" Naruto beat his fists on either side of his head, wailing like a child who dropped an ice cream cone. His precious ramen, gone! What was he supposed to eat now? Once he got hungry for ramen, nothing else would satisfy!

"Wait! I can just buy_ more_ ramen!" And suddenly Naruto was all smiles again, grabbing Hinata by the wrist and dragging her down the street. "Let's go get some more, Hinata! I forgive you since Sakura-chan was the one who put you up to it!"

Hinata pulled against his grip "B-but Naruto-kun, you don't understand. She's been running around the village all morning, making sure you—"

Naruto interrupted her with a laugh. "Nothing can get in the way of me and my ramen, Hinata! Not even Sakura-chan!"

* * *

"Well I'll be damned. Sakura-chan's _really_ set on me not getting my ramen."

Naruto and Hinata (still in their pajamas) stood outside one shops closest to their apartment. On the front window was a poster hastily drawn in marker, warning passerby.

_Beware!_

_Under direct orders, Naruto Uzumaki is no longer allowed to partake of the food known as 'ramen', in any shape or form. Those who attempt to sell or supply Naruto with ramen will be punished._

In the middle of the poster was a crudely-drawn rendition of Naruto himself. It was clear Sakura was trying to make him look like the bad guy, by the way she drew him with slanted eyes and a mischievous grin.

"That doesn't even look like me!" Naruto cried, grabbing the poster and crumbling it up into a ball. "I feel grossly misrepresented and violated!"

"That means Ichiraku's out of the question, doesn't it?"

He heard a laugh from behind him. The shopkeeper was sweeping out one of the aisles, getting ready for the day's customers. "I see you found your poster! It's a perfect resemblance, isn't it?"

Naruto's ears burned. "Haha, very funny! Okay, you've had your laugh. What kind of ramen are you stocking today, old man? I'm starving!"

But when he tried to check the stock himself, the man stood in his way. "Sorry Naruto, but that poster was serious. I thought Sakura was pulling my leg when she asked if she could put that in my window, but sure enough, she got Tsunade's permission. Your health is an important part of being a capable shinobi, she said."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "You're joking, right!? There is _no_ way that she was serious when she told you that. This is all some joke. It has to be!"

He turned around and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Okay, very funny, Sakura-chan! You've made your point, alright! Where are the cameras? I bet you've hidden them all over the place!"

"Is he feeling alright?" the shopkeeper asked Hinata as Naruto started to nose through the aisles looking for the 'hidden cameras. "I mean, it's _just_ ramen."

Naruto gasped. "_J-j-just_ ramen! How can you say that?" He grabbed something off the shelf, and shoved it into the man's face "And what's this? I thought you said you didn't have any!"

"I never said I didn't have any to sell in the first place!" the man reminded him. "I only said that poster is serious; I can't sell you any ramen, Naruto, by order of the Hokage."

The hero of the village looked like he had been kicked. He started sobbing and muttering to himself, reaching into his pockets. "Look, I've got more than enough. Granny doesn't have to know if you just—"

"I'm not taking your money!" the man barked, closing Naruto's hand around the crumbled bills. "Look, I'd be happy to sell you anything else in the store, even at a discounted price, but I can't sell you ramen."

Naruto wailed. "Oh, what's the point!? How can I go on if I what I love most in the world is taken from me?"

He could almost feel Hinata glaring at him. "Hehe, I meant what I love _second_ most in the world! You're _way_ more important than ramen, Hinata!"

Naruto glared at the shopkeeper. "You just lost a customer, old man! C'mon Hinata, let's go see if there's someone out there who doesn't believe Granny's serious about this ramen thing."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Naruto!" the man tried to tell him as he left the store. "Tsunade-sama's real serious about this one, and you know how mad she gets when you don't listen to her!"

But Naruto ignored him, and dragged Hinata off in another direction, looking for another store that carried his beloved ramen. The shopkeeper sighed, and went back to his sweeping.

* * *

The posters mocked him. Everywhere he went, those slanted eyes and that mischievous grin. They were mocking him, reminding him of his plight every time he turned his head!

His resolve grew weaker and weaker with every store they stopped at. Some had the posters in their window, just like the first one. Others had their supply of ramen mysteriously purchased all at once. Regardless of their methods, Naruto was finally starting to believe that Sakura had indeed stripped him of any chance to partake in ramen.

"This is cruel and unusual punishment!" he said, shuffling his feet. "It's torture! How could they do this to me, Hinata?"

"They're only worried about your health, Naruto-kun!" Hinata had only felt worse and worse every time Naruto was turned down. She wasn't the one whose idea it was to throw all of Naruto's ramen away, but she had done the deed, and in a way, it made her feel even guiltier. "Surely there are o-other foods you like besides ramen?"

Naruto groaned. "Of course there are! But you know how it is. When they tell you something's off limits, it only makes you want it even more! I gotta have it, Hinata!"

They stopped outside another store, but instead of going inside, Naruto pulled Hinata into the alley next to it.

"I've got a plan, Hinata! One that's sure to work!"

Hinata had her back against the wall. She didn't want to make things worse, but Naruto looked so confident, she started feeling convinced that this mysterious plan would work. There was also an actual wall at her back, so she didn't have a lot options aside from going along with him. "What do you want me to do?"

"You go inside, and buy the ramen _for_ me! I saw some on the shelves, so don't believe them if they try to tell you that they're out. I'll just give you the money, and they'll sell it to you! It's a piece of cake."

"I d-don't know, Naruto-kun…won't they know I'm only buying it for you? It's not a secret that we're dating…"

"That's the best part! It doesn't matter! They can't just _not_ sell it to you! Besides, I'm giving you twice the money. They won't be able to resist."

He pushed his body up against Hinata's, leaning in close to her ear. "And if this works, I'll owe you big time. You know that _thing_ you've always wanted to try?"

Hinata was confused. "Naruto-kun? What are you talking—" She stopped as Naruto began whispering something in her ear, and her cheeks started burning. "O-oh…_that_ thing."

"Can you do this for me, Hinata? I'm asking with all my heart."

There were those damned puppy dog eyes again. Hinata sighed heavily. "Okay, Naruto-kun…I'll try."

Naruto let out a rousing cheer. "You're the best, Hinata! I'm sure this will work!"

* * *

"Dammit! How did that not work?"

They were starting to attract attention to themselves. By now most of the village was up and about, and it didn't help that both Naruto and Hinata were still in their pajamas.

He grabbed a nearby poster. "My plan was foolproof! How did it fail?"

It failed because due to an extremely small addendum added to the posters, Hinata was forbidden to purchase ramen as well. Sakura had all the bases covered, it seemed.

Naruto was starting to get desperate. As they wandered aimlessly around the village (and Naruto tried to think up a newer, even more devious plan), they happened to run into Kakashi. Naruto was completely detached from the conversation until his nose caught a whiff of something in the bag Kakashi was carrying.

"Kakashi-sensei…did you go grocery shopping today, by any chance?" he asked.

Kakashi smiled warmly. "You've got a good nose, Naruto. I did in fact go grocery shopping! There's nothing like a healthy meal after a long mission. I've got fresh fruit, crisp veggies, and the cashier gave me this wonderful recipe for—"

"That's not important right now! I smell ramen! Do you have any?"

"Oh, how did that get in there?" Kakashi seemed genuinely surprised as he pulled out a single packet of ramen from his bag, carefully looking it over. "That's strange. I must have grabbed this on accident. Would you like it, Naruto?"

Naruto narrowed his eyes. Kakashi wasn't _this _oblivious, was he? "You mean…you mean I can just have it? You sure you're okay with that?"

Kakashi smiled again. "I don't see why not. I haven't had the craving in a while now, and I know how much more you enjoy it than I do. Why don't you just take this off my hands?"

He was so close Naruto's fingers grazes the packet before something caught Kakashi's eye. He turned at the last second, and went to investigate.

"What's this here…" he mumbled to himself, glancing over the poster.

"Nothing! It's absolutely nothing!" Naruto grabbed it and tore into it with all his might, turning the paper into thousands of pieces in seconds. "Now how about that ramen?"

"Oh look, there's another poster right here." Kakashi walked over to that one, and this time, Naruto wasn't quick enough.

Kakashi shook his head sadly. "Sorry, Naruto. But orders are orders. I'm afraid this ramen will have to stay with me."

Naruto was foaming at the mouth. "You knew the whole time, didn't you!? You were just pulling me along, like some sick joke! I know you were! Don't lie!"

His former teacher's eye twinkled in the morning sun. "Now Naruto, do you really think I'd be so heartless?"

* * *

Naruto moped for the rest of the day. Asking others proved just as fruitless as asking Kakashi had. Sakura had even caught him trying to sneak into open windows once or twice, having been on the prowl to make sure he wasn't causing trouble. His defense was that he was leaving the right amount of money behind, but Sakura wasn't hearing any of it. She scolded him for dragging Hinata around all day, and punched him on the nose for good measure, before sending him home with his tail between his legs.

He had remained in his room for the rest of the day. Hinata had tried several times to lure him out, but he ignored her pleas, preferring to mope on the bed.

She felt miserable. Naruto had a problem, yes, but he shouldn't be treated like a criminal because of it, right? If they really wanted him to eat healthier, surely there were better ways than keeping ramen away from him like it was a drug?

Suddenly, Hinata had an idea. A brilliant idea. Having changed into normal clothes when they had returned home the first time, Hinata hurried out the door. She returned home with two large bags of groceries, and set to work almost immediately.

"Naruto-kun!" she called. "Dinnertime!"

At least that pulled him from his stupor. He had gone without food for the entire day, and at this point would have eaten anything. He wandered into the kitchen, looking horribly guilty.

"Hinata…I'm sorry."

"What for, Naruto-kun?" she asked.

"Because I dragged you out around the entire village all because of some stupid noodles! I feel like such a jerk. And I'm hungry and sleepy, and I think Sakura-chan broke my nose!"

Which is where Hinata planted a little kiss. "I'm sure it's fine, Naruto-kun. Just sit down, okay? There's no need to apologize. I just enjoy the time we spend together."

Naruto apologized several more times on his way to the table, plopping down. "What did you make?"

"You mean you couldn't smell it?" Hinata asked. "Oh…right. Your nose. Well, that's alright. It'll heal up by tomorrow. In the meantime…"

She hoisted a massive pot into her arms, setting it down in the middle of the table. Naruto's eyes widened like saucers, and his mouth dropped. He didn't even need his sense of smell to know what it was.

"B-but…how did you—"

Hinata shot him a coy smile, and a wink. "It's not a problem to buy all the ingredients, is it? I had to go to half the stores in town to keep them from being suspicious, but I think it's worth it! Look, I got whole grain noodles, and I halved the amount of sodium. It's a step in the right direction, but you'll need to work at it, okay Naruto-kun? Sakura may be a little blunt, but she's only worried about your health."

"But Hinata, this is ramen! You'll get in trouble!"

"I never said it was ramen, Naruto-kun." She set her own spot at the table, and sat down. "This is tsukemen. It's completely different, so dig in!"

It had happened several times before, but once again, Naruto realized just how lucky he was to have a girl like Hinata around, and how fiendishly clever she could be.

Oh, and that thing that Naruto promised he would do?

They did it.

_Twice._

* * *

**Author's Note:** I hope you liked it! I had a ton of fun writing it. Thanks again to **Foolish Little Brother** for the idea. Remember, if you have an idea, let me know!

Here's what inspired this one-shot: **"A story about Hinata trying to 'help' Naruto's ramen addiction. By trying to take them all away!"**

If you'd like to leave a review, I'd really appreciate it! If you want to keep on going and read the next one-shot, go right on ahead!

God, I just realized how many exclamation points are in this thing. Here's a "FUCK" to balance things out.

Until next time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **I decided to release two at the same time, so you could have more to read.

This time our idea comes from my good friend **OGAFazer89AC. **I hope you like it!

* * *

**You Know That Feeling You Get In The Pit Of Your Stomach?**

Her fork clattered to the table, piercing the stifling afternoon silence.

A young woman's hand trembled, her fingers scratching at an itch that eluded her soothing touch. Her lips quivered, and her eyes bulged in their sockets.

A terrible sound spewed forth from the put of Hinata Hyūga's stomach.

Something between a gurgle and roar, it spoke volumes of the foulness that was to come, and the hand that did not hover in front of her dove to her belly, as if she could calm the rage within.

"O-oh dear…" she murmured quietly, as a very unwomanly burp slipped between her lips. Outside, a raven cawed it's lungs out perched on a telephone pole, before flapping away into the heat.

It wouldn't be entirely unfair to say that this situation was Naruto's fault. The unseasonably warm weather had left him in a constant state of discomfort, until the beading sweat and damp clothes outweighed what remained of his better judgment. Naruto had cranked the air conditioning past the point of no return, forcing the poor machine into attempting to churn out a veritable blizzard of refrigerated air. All good things must come to an end, of course, and in the case of keeping the temperature tolerable, that end came far too soon. Sometime in the night, their unit had given out, sputtering and creaking out some horrific noises before finally falling silent.

In any other circumstances, this would have had no effect on Hinata's 'internal affairs', but because their air conditioning unit had died, a fuse had been blown. Because a fuse had been blown, the rest of Naruto's utilities had failed. And because the rest of Naruto's utilities had failed (including his fridge), Hinata had been coerced into eating leftover breakfast ramen, while Naruto was out looking for a replacement fuse.

It would be fine, he had reassured her. The fridge had only been out for a few hours, he had said. Hinata had been anxious, but if there was anyone who could claim an encyclopedic knowledge on the topic of ramen, Naruto Uzumaki was your man. And so she had eaten it. It had been tasty enough. Besides, Naruto had promised to bring home some freshly cooked takeout after he had found the replacement fuse.

But now, Hinata Hyūga felt a rumbling in her tummy, and there could only be one explanation.

What goes in…

Must come out.

And it was coming. Violently.

"O-oh dear…" she repeated, jumping to her feet with such vigor that her chair clattered to the floor behind her. She cursed herself for wearing such slippery socks as she raced towards the bathroom, clutching at her stomach with the hopes that she might prevent whatever was in there from bursting out for a few more precious seconds.

She slid down the hallway past the right door, and latched onto the wall before she slipped into Naruto's bedroom. With a mighty heave, she flung herself into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut with her toes.

Were anyone standing outside that door, they would have sworn to see paint peeling off the walls, birds dropping like flies outside the window, and heard monstrous sounds from underneath the door. Then came a sigh of relief. Then the sound of flushing. More flushing. A third round of flushing, and then silence.

At least the plumbing still worked.

'_I will _never _listen to Naruto-kun about food ever again,'_ she told herself as she crawled into his bedroom, and up onto the bed. Her hair clung to her forehead and back in damp clumps, and her breathing was labored. With great difficulty, she threw off her shirt and pants in an attempt to cool down, and found herself cursing her boyfriend for blowing out his utilities, as that left her without an opportunity to cool herself off.

'_When he gets home, I'm going to kill him.'_

She heard him fumbling with the lock, and changed her mind almost instantaneously. The smell still hung heavy in the air, and Hinata was not in the mood to die from embarrassment.

Hinata barely made it to the front door just before Naruto stepped inside, shoving her entire body weight against the wood and slamming the door shut. She could hear Naruto swear, and something fell to the ground outside.

"Who is it?" Hinata called in a sing-song voice. She would have to stall for time, until the noxious fumes that saturated his apartment had dissipated to an appropriate level.

"Hinata? It's me!" Naruto shot back, trying to push open the door. "Who else would it be? What the heck are you doing?"

"I-I'm in my underwear," Hinata thought quickly, bearing more of her weight against the door. "I was afraid that it might have been someone else out there. You p-promise that there's no one out there with you?"

"Yeah, I'm alone, alright? Now can you open the door? I really need to use the bathroom!"

Hinata bit her lip. _'Shit.'_

And that was precisely the problem.

Naruto managed to stick his foot in the door, and force it open. He gave Hinata an odd look, but planted a quick kiss on her cheek nonetheless, before setting the bag he had been holding down on his kitchen table.

"You wouldn't believe how long it took me to find the right one," said Naruto, as he was on his way to the bathroom. "The guy at the checkout was no help, and I passed the right aisle like 5 times. It didn't help that I had to use the bathroom before I was even finished, and theirs was broken! It's a good thing that the store was pretty close by, or I may not have made it home!"

"W-wait!" Hinata cried, as loudly as she could. Naruto hopped back into the kitchen, clearly distressed that he was being kept from sweet, sweet release.

"What is it now?" he asked. "What's up with you today?"

Hinata pointed to the bag and its contents. "I think you got the wrong part. That doesn't look like the right one to me."

"And since when did you become an electrical engineer?"

"I'm just worried you might have grabbed the wrong one by mistake! Are you sure you shouldn't go back and make sure that it's the right replacement part?"

Naruto groaned, turning on his heels. "Okay fine! I'll go back and check, but let me use the bathroom first, you know? I feel like the back of my pants are about to explode!"

He started wobbling towards his bathroom, and once again, Hinata was forced to think on her feet. Spying several bananas on the kitchen counter (which Sakura had purchased in an attempt to break Naruto's dependency on noodles), she grabbed one and started wolfing it down, flinging the peel past Naruto's head and onto the floor.

Her aim rang true. Just as Naruto was about to turn in the hallway towards his bathroom, his foot landed on the banana peel, and like something out of a bad comedy, he went sliding into his bedroom, flailing his arms and screaming like a little girl. Hinata sighed with relief.

She found him up against the wall, tangled up in a pile of dirty clothes. "Naruto-kun, are you alright?" she asked.

"I really need to clean up…" he whimpered, attempting to get back to his feet. He grunted in pain, and fell back on his rear. "Ow. It feels like I sprained my ankle. Can you take a look at it?"

"Wouldn't it be better to take you to the hospital, and have Sakura look at it?"

Naruto shook his head. "She's not working today. Besides, it's not even that serious. You learned the basics, didn't you? Just take a quick look."

Hinata nodded nervously, and glanced over his ankle. He was right in that there wasn't anything wrong with it, but Hinata was tempted to tell him a fib to keep him off his feet.

"It l-looks pretty bad," Hinata lied, standing back up. "It might be best for you to sit down on the bed for a while. I can go find Sakura and she can—"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Naruto grunted, pushing his back against the wall to hoist himself up onto one foot. "It can't be that bad, and I _really_ need to use the bathroom. If you'll excuse me…"

Hinata was running out of ideas. "You can't go in there!" she said, throwing herself in between him and his desire.

"Why not?"

"The plumbing's broken," she said, fiddling with her fingers. "Maybe it happened when the power went off."

"Well now that doesn't make any sense." Naruto scratched at his forehead, pursing his lips in thought. "I'm no expert, but I don't think the plumbing and electrical stuff is connected in any way. How could the plumbing shut down too?"

Hinata shrugged.

"I'm gonna go check it out. I bet it's just something clogging the drain."

Hinata panicked.

"Just let a professional handle it!" she cried, latching onto his arm. "I d-don't want you getting hurt!"

Naruto was starting to worry. He shook Hinata off of his arm, and took a few steps back. "What the hell has gotten into you? Are you sure you're feeling alright? It's a toilet, Hinata. It's not going to kill me."

'_I wouldn't be too sure…'_ Hinata shuddered as she remembered that odor. She wasn't entirely positive it wasn't capable of killing a human being should they spend too much time in the fumes.

But Naruto didn't seem to pay her any mind. He turned around, and started back towards the bathroom once more. Hinata, running out of options, leapt at his feet, holding him in place.

"Don't go in there! Just ask a neighbor if you could use their bathroom!"

"I have to go, Hinata! I can't hold it in any longer!"

But Hinata was persistent. "You really don't want to go in there, Naruto-kun. I'm begging you, it's for your own good!"

"Let go of me!"

"No!"

"Hinata, I'm seriously about to crap my pants!"

"Then just do it! Just don't go in there!"

Naruto finally stopped, and he turned around. He smiled. "Okay…okay. If you don't want me to go in there that badly, I won't."

Hinata felt a wave of relief wash over her. "R-really? Thank you, Naruto-kun!"

He offered his hand out to her, and led her over to the bed. He sat her down…

And disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"No!" Hinata cried, as she noticed the real Naruto sprinting for the bathroom out of the corner of her eye.

"I'm sorry, Hinata, but I need to go _now_! I'm sure that whatever's wrong it can't be that ba—"

Hinata had hoped to reach him before he could open the door, but she had been too slow. Naruto had flung the door wide open in his rush to sit down, and he paid a dear price. Unfortunately for the both of them, because Hinata had kept the door shut, the smell had had the time to collect and grow stronger, and when Naruto opened the door, it burst forth with explosive force.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Naruto cried, as he was thrown backwards against the wall. His eyes watered and he could smell his hair burning. It was the foulest stench he had ever had the misfortune of smelling. To make matters that much worse, he was knocked unconscious, which meant that the conscious effort he had been putting in to hold _it_ in… was no longer there. There came an awful sound, and the smell grew even worse.

Hinata did not escape its wrath either. After it had flung Naruto aside like a rag doll, it came rushing after Hinata, and despite her attempt to make a break for it and leap outside onto his balcony, the odor caught her first. She could feel her nose closing up, and the smell was so powerful she could taste it on her tongue. Her vision went blurry, and the last thing she saw was her fingertips grazing against the door to Naruto's balcony. Just shy of freedom.

* * *

"What on earth happened here?"

"It looks like a crime scene…"

"This is Naruto's place, isn't it? What is he up to this time?"

"Does anyone else smell that?"

A large crowd stood gathered outside Naruto's apartment, whispering amongst themselves about what might have happened in there. A large crew of men and women garbed in stark white jumpsuits were heading inside, wearing gas masks and welding large rough-bristle brushes.

Naruto and Hinata sat outside, apart from everyone else. They were wrapped in blankets and given hot tea to sip on, while Sakura was checking up on them. She had gone looking for the two of them when they didn't show up for a movie they were supposed to catch, and found them inside shortly after. The smell was still close to unbearable, but enough for her to drag them out of the apartment, and wait for them to wake up while she called in a team to fumigate the entire apartment building. Several of the other neighbors were angry to leave their homes, but at least they knew where that horrible smell was coming from.

"So just what the hell was going on in there?" Sakura asked, with her hands on her hips. "First you two guys don't show up to the movie. Next thing you know, I find the both of you out cold on the floor, and surrounded by the most disgusting smell I've ever had the misfortune of smelling. You two have got some explaining to do."

It seemed like everyone Hinata had ever known in the village was there, and all she wanted to do was bury her face in the blanket and hope she woke up from this nightmare.

Naruto scratched at his cheek. "It's kind of a funny story. Our electricity went out when the air conditioning thingy exploded. It happened over night, so by the time we woke up, a bunch of the food had gone bad. I thought for sure it would be okay…"

Sakura made a face. "Naruto, what on earth were you thinking!? You should have known that spoiled food would do that to you. Honestly, do you ever think anything through?"

"But Sakura-chan, it wasn't my fault. It was…" He stopped. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Hinata looking mortified. He rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, and laughed.

"Yeah, I guess it was my fault! Heh, sorry Sakura-chan! Guess I paid for that, huh?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "You're not done paying for it just yet, Naruto. That smell could mean something's very wrong with your gastric system. I'll need to take you to the hospital and take a look."

Naruto's eye twitched. "Excuse m-me?"

"Yeah, that could mean a lot of trouble if we're not careful. It'll only be a quick colonoscopy, and then we'll know for sure." She started dragging him off towards the hospital, with him kick and squirming.

"Sakura-chan, I'm sure it's nothing that bad! Please, let me go of my arm! I don't want to get a camera shoved up my butt! Sakura-chan! SAKURA-CHAAAN!"

His voice slowly disappeared as Sakura dragged him around the corner. Ino, who had shown up with Shikamaru and Chōji to see what all the commotion was about, shook her head, chuckling. "Will Naruto every catch a break?"

Lee had also overheard what had happened, and wiped a genuine tear from his eye. "My heart goes out to Naruto-kun, for being asked to undergo such a procedure. I have been told it is not the most comfortable of examinations."

But a sudden noise interrupted their conversation. It had been so quiet that at first, everyone thought that they might have only been hearing things. But then they heard the sound once again, louder this time, and everyone turned to look at Hinata, who sat there with one hand to her stomach, and her eyes bulging out of their sockets.

"O-oh dear…" she murmured quietly.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Haha, even someone as dainty as Hinata has her problems, I guess!

This was a lot fun to write, and I hope you enjoyed it.

Here's what inspired this idea:

"Hinata is in Naruto's apartment, (Naruto is out for some reason) it's a normal and peaceful day, when suddenly she feels the urge to go to the bathroom (thanks to the cup of ramen past the expiration date Naruto made her eat).  
She's really embarrassed just thinking about doing such a thing in Naruto's bathroom, but the call of nature is to strong and she's forced to give up and run to the toilet.  
Guess what happen when she just finished doing what she was doing?  
Naruto arrives rushing home, and he has the same problem Hinata had minutes before and he must really go to the toilet.  
Hinata however, doesn't want him to go the bathroom because she fears of what he may think of her, if he goes to the bathroom and there's still some bad stink. So she tries in every way possible to stop him."

A little longer than the first one, but that just helped me out. Thanks again, **OGAFazer89AC**!

Remember, if you have an idea, let me know!

Until next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: I finished this one later than intended. Moving back home for the summer took up some time, and the lack of privacy here grates on my writing nerve. Makes it that much harder to get in a groove. Hell, I have to be up in 5 hours or so for work, so don't say I don't do things for you people.

I do it because I luv ya.

Thanks to **JOHNXgambit** for the inspiration! Now, I can't always strictly go with exactly you guys suggest, as my head likes to add things along the way sometimes, but it's still the basic idea intact.

*note: This is several years in the future, I'd say about 4, which makes every character older. You'll know why soon enough.

* * *

**Squeaky Clean**

"Do we _have_ to go? I just wanna go home and sleep forever."

"You can 'sleep forever' after I've had a bath, okay? I feel absolutely filthy."

"I have a perfectly good bathtub at home! We could even take one together, you know…"

"You have a very different idea of the definition of 'perfect' if you think it's the same thing. The water pressure changes every fifteen seconds, and the shower curtain smells like ramen!"

Naruto pouted. "Don't drag ramen into this. Ramen didn't do anything wrong."

He and Hinata had just finished a particularly grueling sparring match against one another, and at Hinata's insistence, they were on their way to the public bath to clean up. Naruto's apartment _was_ closer, but the public bath just had a feeling of luxury that you couldn't get anywhere else in the village.

Naruto picked at his ear, flicking a speck off the edge of his finger. "Fine, fine. So my place isn't the nicest. I think I'm out of soap, anyway."

Hinata rolled her eyes. "You ran out of soup almost a week ago, Naruto-kun. I reminded you three times to get more, remember?"

"You know I don't," Naruto said, burping. "Whatever. I'll just pick up some more on our way back. Or maybe I could just filch some from the bathhouse, yeah?"

"I d-don't want us to get kicked out again, Naruto-kun. Getting asked to leave in the middle of a bath is so embarrassing."

She turned around and poked him in the chest. "Which was _your_ fault, in case you've forgotten. You just couldn't control yourself could you? Ino wouldn't stop asking about it!"

"I remember that," Naruto said, giggling like a schoolgirl. He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. She reeked of sweat and dirt, but he loved it when she smelled like that. "Don't blame it all on me, though. If I remember correctly, you were the one who didn't want me to stop."

Hinata burned bright red. It wouldn't do much good to call him a pervert considering he was right. "Well, this time will be different! You're going to say on your side of the bath, and I'll stay on mine."

"You're no fun."

* * *

The heat of the day had driven several other people into the bathhouse, but it wasn't all that crowded. Naruto shriveled at the sight of the woman manning the front desk, and Hinata considered going with Naruto's apartment instead.

The woman caught them out of the corner of her eye, and an eyebrow went up almost to her hairline. She sighed, and motioned them to come over.

"We might as well get this over with," she said, smirking. "How are you two lovebirds doing today? You trying to get kicked out again?"

"It was one time!" Naruto protested, pouting again. "We weren't bothering anybody, anyway. Things were blown way out of proportion, if you ask me."

The woman rolled her eyes. "I didn't ask you, now that you mention it, and coming from the woman who walked in on you two, I'd say things remained very much in proportion. Honestly, who does something like that in public?"

Hinata pulled the hood of her jacket over her head, praying that no one overheard them. "We p-promise it won't happen again. We're just here to take a bath, and then we'll be on our way."

"Forgive me if I'm not completely convinced." The woman wrote their names down on some paperwork, and accepted Hinata's money. "You know the drill. The expression 'keep it in your pants' may not mean much here, but I'll warn you two to follow my advice all the same."

Naruto yanked Hinata away from the front desk before she could get any redder, muttering something about the woman having a stick up her ass.

"What're the odds that we'd run into _her_ of all people?" Hinata asked with a shudder. "Somehow I feel even dirtier."

They were surprised to find several of their friends getting ready for their own baths as well, having arrived just minutes before them. Ino, Tenten, and Sakura waved Hinata over, and Naruto spied Konohamaru taking off his sandals.

He pounced. But before the hunter could reach the hunted, Konohamaru dipped down to gather up his scarf, and Naruto missed his target by mere inches, his fingertips grazing against the top of Konohamaru's shoulders. He cried in terror as the wall rushed forward to greet him, and with a resounding smash, he drove straight into it, before sliding down to the floor in a stupor.

Konohamaru, who had been oblivious to everything, was overjoyed to see Naruto 'arrive'. "Naruto-nīchan!" he said, rushing over to greet him. "Hey, are you alright? You got this really big bump on the top of your head…right here!"

He pushed his thumb directly into the lump, and Naruto was off his back in an instant, hopping from either foot and howling in pain.

"What're you doing here?" Konohamaru asked, picking at his ear. "Did you train a lot today too?"

Naruto blinked. "Yeah, me and Hinata did. She didn't want to get a bath at my house, so we came here instead."

Konohamaru giggled. "They let you back in here after what happened? I didn't think you'd have the balls, nīchan!"

"Does _everyone _know about that? Are there no secrets in this village? How the hell did _you_ find out about that?"

"One of the workers told a friend of hers, who mentioned it to the old man at Ichiraku's, who told Iruka, who told Ebisu, who told Moegi, who told me!"

Naruto slapped his forehead. "Great, so the whole village knows."

"Perhaps if you had better self-control, the entire village wouldn't be aware of yours and Lady Hinata's private life."

Neji stood in the doorway with his arms folded, glaring at Naruto. Hanabi stood a ways behind him, looking bored already. Konohamaru, catching Hanabi in the corner of his eye, leapt behind Naruto before she saw him.

"Don't tell me you know too?" Naruto asked, worried what Neji might do.

"I am aware of what happened, but you do not need to worry. After a very lengthy conversation with Lady Hinata about my feelings regarding your relationship, I decided it was should no longer be my business."

Hanabi snorted loudly, pushing past her cousin. "He got his ass kicked up and down the dojo in a 'sparring session'. I never thought my soft-spoken older sister could be so…ruthless."

Neji blushed bright red while Naruto laughed in his face, angrily turning around. "That is quite enough of that, thank you! Lady Hanabi, I will be back here in a few hours. Please…enjoy yourself."

He sulked off, leaving Hanabi alone. Naruto plopped his hand on top of her head, grinning. "So pipsqueak, what're you doing here all by yourself?"

Hanabi slapped his hand off. "I'm almost as tall as you! And if you must know, and if it's not obvious why I'm at a bathhouse, then maybe you need your head checked."

"What did you just say?" Naruto growled, rolling up his sleeve. Hanabi completely ignored him, ducked under his arm, and joined her sister and the other girls.

"She thinks she's so great!" said Naruto, rolling his eyes. "She's just jealous of me, that's all."

He spun around, where Konohamaru was still hiding. "What were you doing back there? You're not scared of Hinata's sister, are you?"

Konohamaru twiddled with his fingers, much like Hinata did. "Scared isn't exactly the word _I_ would use for it…"

Naruto knew that look from a mile away. "There's a reason you're here, isn't there? You're not just here to take a bath?"

Konohamaru nodded.

"You've got something else in mind, don't you?"

Another nod.

"Then may the gods have mercy on your soul, brother. You are about to embark on a very dangerous mission."

As he spoke, Hanabi was practically being petted by Hinata's friends. She suddenly snapped at Ino, biting at fingers that were getting a little too close.

"You're telling me," Konohamaru muttered quietly. "I'll need all my skills as a shinobi of Konoha to succeed."

Naruto wrapped his arm around him "Then you're in luck! I, as someone who has taught you much over the years, will see your mission through to completion! You're under the tutelage of a master, though I don't understand what you even see in Hanabi. I have it on good authority that her sister is way better."

Konohamaru brandished his fist. "You're just biased over Hinata! Hanabi-chan's just as good as Hinata!"

Naruto waggled his eyebrows. "Oh, its Hanabi-_chan_ already, is it? You're like a lovesick puppy! Are you gonna ask her out on a date after you've peeped on her?"

Konohamaru punched Naruto in the groin, and snuck away before the girls could see who Naruto was talking to, having overheard the commotion. Naruto was hot on his heels, rubbing his palms together like some sort of evil mastermind. This trip to the bathhouse just got a lot more interesting.

* * *

"Ugh! Hinata, you have no idea how jealous I am of you!"

Tenten, Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Hanabi were relaxing in one of the larger baths, where Ino had a horrible habit of picking the most embarrassing subjects for conversation. Naturally, since they were all undressed, Ino would choose Hinata's…_anatomy_. This was not the first time, and it likely wouldn't be the last.

"You have the most gorgeous figure in the whole village!" Ino said, her voice dripping with envy. "How often do you get a front end that looks as good as the back end?"

Hinata sank beneath the water, up to her chin. "Th-thank you, Ino…I guess."

"Oh, stop being so modest!" Tenten said, punching her friend on the arm. "You know you've got great curves, so why are you so embarrassed to talk about them? I bet Naruto's the happiest guy in the world."

"You mustn't downplay your own features. You are all very pretty!"

Ino sighed. "Yeah, but I seem to be more of an ass-girl than anything else. I don't mind most of the time, but there are plenty of days where it just gets in the way."

Tenten took a peek. "Why are you complaining? Your ass looks great!" I think it's actually bigger than Hinata's…"

"That's the problem! Hers is just the right size so that it looks hot, but doesn't get in the way. Hinata, have you ever knocked over your drink with your butt? I bet you haven't."

Hinata sank even lower in the water. "Umm…n-no. I don't think I have."

Tenten and Ino continued to chatter on. Hanabi scooted next to her sister, smirking. "You deal with this every time you come here, don't you? Why do you put up with it?"

"It never lasts," Hinata replied quietly. "There's always someone else to talk about."

There was an unusually wily look on Hinata's face. It was a look Hanabi felt very uncomfortable around. "What're you talking about?"

She didn't have to wait long to get her answer.

"And Hanabi's here too!" Ino almost shouted, wading across the bath. "We can't forget about her!"

"You're growing into a fine young woman, Hanabi," Sakura teased. "Any boys try to ask you out yet? You have to watch out; there's an unnaturally high number of perverts coming from this village."

"And she's got the Hyūga genes," Tenten reminded them. "She's bound to have more than her fair share of boys come looking pretty soon."

Hinata laughed softly, pulling herself out of the bath, and wrapping a towel around her.

"You knew this would happen!" Hanabi said, pointing at her. "But you kept it to yourself, didn't you?"

Hanabi felt something press against her back, and her cheeks turned very, _very_ red.

"Oh, we're just playing, Hanabi-_chan_!" Ino said, pinching her cheek. "It's just something us girls do! Come on, we're going to the sauna, and you're gonna tell us every little thing we ask, okay?"

Hanabi was yanked out of the bath before she could protest, wrapped in her own towel like a mummy, and shoved off by a horde of snickering young women. Hinata was the last to leave, all too pleased her sister had decided to come as well.

* * *

"So what's our plan of attack?"

Now that they were alone, Konohamaru had readily accepted Naruto's _expertise_ in such a matter, and followed after him as his elder searched through several of the spare rooms, for some unknown purpose.

"Nīchan, what're you even doing?" he asked.

"Have you learned nothing in all your years studying under me? There are many steps that must be done in preparation!" He pressed his ear to the wall and rapped his knuckles three times against the tile, listening to the sounds. Something must have displeased him, because he abandoned the room, and moved on to the next one.

"Naruto, what are you doing?" Konohamaru asked, louder this time.

"Checking every room blindly is a good way to run straight into a girl who's had a bad day," Naruto explained. "I'm listening through the walls, so that I know where…a-ha!"

"What is it?"

Naruto pointed to the ventilation duct above his head. "Go listen for yourself."

Konohamaru leapt on top of the cupboard, and then to the top shelf above that, which was placed right beneath the vent. He stuck his ears through the tiny metal bars, and listened. It was quiet, almost too quiet, but Konohamaru heard a faint voice coming through the vent.

Naruto grinned with pride. "Hinata's voice carries surprisingly well across rooms."

"Wait, are you sure that this is a good idea for you?" Konohamaru asked. "Hinata will get angry with you if you get caught."

The blonde shrugged. "It won't be a problem Even if we get caught, which we shouldn't, she'll notice that there's only one girl I have eyes for."

Konohamaru made a throwing-up noise with a matching face to go along with it, jumping just out of Naruto's reach. "So what're we supposed to do? Neither of us can fit in there."

Naruto rubbed his hands together. "Yes, but I know someone who can."

He bit his thumb, and spread his palm against the floor. There was a tiny puff of smoke, and a toad appeared, no bigger than Naruto's hand.

Konohamaru was not impressed. "You're kidding, right? What're we supposed to do with a stupid toad?"

The toad in question seemed almost offended, and stuck his long tongue out in reply. Naruto let him hop into his hand, shocked by Konohamaru's rudeness. "You don't know what kind of power this toad is capable of! Ero-sennin passed him down to me, and I intend to make good use of him. Now toad, do your thing!"

It hopped onto the shelf closest to eye-level, and turned to face them both. His jaw suddenly unhinged, and both Naruto and Konohamaru felt an incredibly powerful suction pull them into its mouth, disappearing inside. The toad hopped up into the vent, and slipped between the bars with only a little bit of resistance.

"Ouch! Watch where you're pointing that thing!" Konohamaru complained, shoving Naruto away with his elbow.

"Says the kid who's foot is in my face!" Naruto shot back. "And quit complaining! This is better than anything you could have come up with. This toad is completely undetectable, by anyone!"

That caught Konohamaru's interest. "Really? No fooling?"

"You bet! Listen, the voices are getting louder."

And sure enough, they were. They grew clearer and less metallic, and when the toad finally stopped moving, it opened its mouth just a crack to allow Naruto and Konohamaru to peek outside.

Konohamaru groaned. "Aww man, they're all wrapped up in towels now!"

The girls were relaxing in a large open-style sauna, chatting with one another as they relaxed in the sweltering heat. Naruto's brow furrowed in concentration. These 'towels' were indeed an obstacle, but not one he was incapable of solving.

"Let me try something," he muttered, forcing his hand out of the toad's mouth. He pressed a small amount of wind chakra into his hand, and with a wave, thrust it into the middle of the room. The reaction was almost immediate. Each of the girls let out a shriek of surprise.

"What the hell was that!?" Ino shouted, grabbing her towel just before it fell off. "Did someone leave the door open?"

"It didn't work!" Konohamaru hissed in Naruto's ear. "You need to make it stronger."

"You don't think I don't know that?" Naruto hissed back. "Just let me do this, okay?"

"Is someone there?"

Naruto froze. He must have spoken just a little too loud, as each of the girls was looking wildly about the room, clutching their towels to their bodies.

"What? What's going on?" they heard Hanabi ask.

"Someone's peeping on us," Sakura said. Naruto knew that tone in her voice. She suspected him almost immediately. That might have been a problem if Sakura had a way of noticing them, but as long as they both remained inside the toad, they were completely undetectable.

"Naruto-nīchan, you're sure there's no way they can see us?" Konohamaru whispered, starting to grow anxious.

"Absolutely! Sakura-chan does have some 'all-seeing-eye', now does she? We're perfectly safe." Naruto started to funnel a little more wind chakra into his hand, hoping this time it would be enough to shake the girls' towels loose.

"Naruto-nīchan?"

"Not now, I'm concentrating!" He only needed a little bit more.

"Naruto-nīchan…"

"I said not now!" He was almost there. Just a bit more chakra and…

"Naruto!"

"What? What is so important that you have to interrupt me at this very crucial moment?" Naruto was glaring at him, his whisper an angry hiss.

Konohamaru pointed in front of him, out of the toad's mouth and towards the girls. "Remember that thing you said about the 'all-seeing-eye'?"

There came a sudden, heavy chill in the air, and full of apprehension, Naruto turned his head.

Hinata and Hanabi both were staring straight at him. Not next to him, not past him…but _at_ him. Their Byakugan active, and looking very, _very_ angry. Sakura saw Hinata, and followed her eyes straight towards the vent. She frowned.

"Chaaa!" She punched the floor, cracking it into several pieces and sending a fissure up the wall and straight towards the vent. The metal grate popped out of place with a crash, and the little toad was revealed, with two pairs of eyes watching them from the dark.

"Naruto! I knew you were behind this!" Sakura screamed and leapt towards them, her hands balled into fists. She was out for blood.

"Every man for himself!" Naruto let out a strong burst of wind chakra, more than he had originally planned, which happened to serve two purposes. The more immediate was knocking Sakura off her feet, as well as the others who were starting to realize what was happening.

The more important (at least to Naruto) was that it still blew their towels right off their bodies. It might have been an incredibly stupid thing to do (or brave, no one quite knows), but Konohamaru and Naruto stopped to take a look.

Konohamaru pulled his eyes away for just a second to steal a look at Naruto. As much as he had doubted it, Naruto remained true to his word: his eyes were completely fixated on Hinata. It didn't last long. They were already starting to re-clothe themselves.

The danger rose exponentially, to a point where it was no longer worth it, and as Naruto had screamed "every man for himself," Konohamaru was well aware that he was now on his own. With surprising speed considering their tight spaces, Konohamaru forced himself out of the toad, and began crawling to freedom. "Thanks, Naruto-nīchan!" he called back.

Naruto wasn't worried. He had this all figured out. The toad would disappear in a puff of smoke, taking him to the safety of Mount Myōboku, where he could wait it out until returning via the portal inside the same toad. Nothing could go wrong.

Except when the toad decided to have a little fun It disappeared in a puff of smoke, but did not take Naruto with it. The sudden change in the amount of room he had proved…obstructing.

In other words, he was stuck in the vent.

"I oughta beat you within an inch of your life!" Sakura barked, reaching into the vent and grabbing the front of his shirt. With little effort, she ripped him out of the wall and threw him onto the floor, where he was totally exposed.

"What about Konohamaru?" Hanabi said, cracking her knuckles. "I'm not gonna let him get away with this!"

"You go after Konohamaru," Hinata ordered, pointing towards the door. "And catch him if you can. I want to find out whose idea this was. In the meantime, _I'll _take care of Naruto here."

Naruto winced. She had left out the _–kun_.

Sakura punched the air in front of Naruto's face, inches from his nose. "When I get back, I'm dealing with you too, pervert." She followed the others out of the room, leaving Naruto and Hinata alone.

"Hinata, I—"

She slapped him full in the face. Hard.

"I guess I deserve that," Naruto said sheepishly.

Hinata's cheeks puffed out in anger. "That, and a whole lot more. You should be ashamed of yourself! Konohamaru doesn't need that kind of example set for him. That's a habit he could do without if he wants to make a name for himself."

Naruto rubbed his cheek. "I think he likes your sister. I just wanted to help him out."

"There are literally _thousands_ of other ways you could help Konohamaru instead of peeping on my little sister! That is _not_ something I want to think about, Naruto-kun!"

She had used _–kun_ again. "Hinata…you don't actually seem that angry," Naruto said. "And I swear I didn't look at anyone else. I was looking at you the whole time."

Hinata blushed. "I…I know." She bit her lip. All those other, naked women around her, and she had seen Naruto stare straight at her for as long as he could. As much as his reputation decried him as a pervert, he had never taken his eyes off of her.

She grabbed his hand. "You're going to owe me _big_ for this, and when things have settled down, you are going to apologize to each of my friends for what you did." She started leading him out of the room, checking around every corner to make sure Sakura and the others weren't coming.

"What do you want me to do to pay you back?" Naruto asked as they weaved through the other empty baths. "You're saving my life here."

He got his answer pretty quick. After she had found a satisfyingly abandoned bath, she shoved Naruto inside, barred the door, and was on him in a second. Apparently, she had been more flattered with Naruto than earlier let on.

"Wait, we're gonna get caught again!" Naruto said, the voice of reason for once. But as Hinata lapped at his ear, he felt his higher functions slowly fading to black.

A few more…_things_ happened, before they heard a noise. Sweaty and out of breath, Naruto and Hinata looked towards the door in fear.

The woman from the front desk was staring at them, having shoved the door open. In her hands, she held a mop and some soap. In her eyes, she held the most contemptible look they had ever seen. The fact that there were two naked, sweaty teenagers in front of her did nothing to lessen her frustration.

"You have got…" she muttered, "to be _fucking. Kidding. Me."_

* * *

**Author's Note:** These have turned out dirtier than I start them, so far. Maybe I should be more aware of that, haha.

I hope you liked it! Here's what inspired this idea: **I have an idea, inspired by prologue to RTN ep 311 tenten, ino, hinabi sakura drag hinata to the onsen naruto is alone on the male side with konohamaru. naruto overhears sakura apologising to hinata about not being able to heal the scar pain gave which bumms out sakura and naruto. hinata states she's proud of the scar because it reminds her of the courage that allowed her to fight and confess brightening the mood again. hinata finally relaxes in the bath and shows she has a "floating" problem causing all the girls to grill on how her boobs got so big.**

Remember, if you have an idea, or just a musing, let me know! I'd like to try and release as many of these as I can, and I need ideas for that. You people are more creative than you give yourselves credit for.

Until next time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:** Hello!

First week of work went well. It was actually a little slow. Maybe it wouldn't be too much to hope for that for the rest of the summer, yeah?

Anyway, this time we have **yrsd** to thank for the inspiration for this one-shot! I really got the ball rolling on this one, so I hope you guys like it.

* * *

**Oh Bother**

"Why are the two of us, two of the most powerful ninja in the entire village, wandering around the middle of the woods looking for some damn cat?" Naruto said, nearly tripping over a root he hadn't seen. A low-hanging branch knocked him in the forehead, further souring his mood.

Hinata looked horrified Naruto wasn't as wo rried as she was. "Hanabi loves that cat! She would be devastated if it ran away."

"It's not even her cat! You told me it was some stray she feeds every now and then. If she likes the fur ball so much, why doesn't _she_ just go out looking for it?"

"Because she doesn't know it's missing, Naruto-kun. And it's going to stay that way, because you and I are going to find it before she gets back from her mission."

Naruto groaned. "Look at me, wasting away a beautiful day looking for a cat. What has the world come to?"

"Stop being so melodramatic. I thought you liked spending time with me?" Hinata said, raising an eyebrow.

"Low blow, Hinata," said Naruto. "You know I like to hang out with you. I just figured we would be doing something else. You know, something _interesting_."

Hinata rolled her eyes. "It won't take that long if you stopped complaining for a few seconds and let me concentrate." She had been searching around them for nearly an hour with her Byakugan, but this pesky feline was proving more difficult to track than she had anticipated.

There was a sudden flash at the edge of her vision, and she turned around just in time to spot a tiny, and furry, shape darting further into the woods. Naruto, on the other hand, had seen the whole thing, and angrily pointed a finger in its direction.

"I know that damned cat!" he said. "That was the one that was always running away from that crazy old lady, and we had to chase it all over the village. You couldn't call yourself a full on genin until you had caught that cat. Fastest thing I'd ever seen in my life, and he scratched and bit something awful. Why did your sister have to start hanging out with _that_ cat?" Naruto shuddered with bad memories.

"Looks like he couldn't take it anymore and ran away for good." Hinata grabbed onto Naruto's hand, and started off after the cat. "If we hurry, I can keep an eye on it. Let's go!"

"It's payback time!" Naruto said, leaping up into the trees following Hinata's lead. "I'm gonna teach that stupid fuzzball a lesson!"

"We're just going to find him and bring him back to the village, Naruto-kun. You wouldn't actually want to hurt that little kitty, would you?"

Naruto snorted. "I guess I'll decide when we get there."

They tracked the cat all the way to the base of some foothills outside the village, known for its splendid natural cave formations and tumbling rapids.

"I'm not going in there!" said Naruto. He folded his arms and turned his nose to the sky. "Half of those caves are crawling with rats and cockroaches and bears!"

_'You're including bears with rats and cockroaches like they're some kind of pest. You haven't had a bear infestation before, have you?' _Hinata walked closer to the cave. "Naruto-kun, don't tell me you're afraid of a few little bears and rats? They're just as scared of you as you are of them."

"Yeah, until they get hungry..." Naruto said, shivering. "Couldn't we just leave some cat food at the entrance and wait for it to come out?"

Hinata shook her head. "You said so yourself, Naruto-kun. All the rats in there will keep the cat fed if it wants; we'll have to find it ourselves." She started for the entrance, but Naruto still hung back, eying the darkness with apprehension.

"It's not that bad," said Hinata. "I've got my Byakugan, meaning there's nothing that can sneak up on us. You'll be fine if you stick with me, okay?"

Naruto didn't seem convinced. "How about you go in, and I wait outside just in case that cat tries to make a run for it? I'll cut off it's escape!" He laughed far too loudly, rubbing the back of his head.

Hinata began to suspect something. "Naruto-kun, don't tell me you're afraid of that old ghost story? Everyone knows that's only something parents tell their children to keep them from wandering too far!"

"I didn't know that!" Naruto shot back. "Besides, it's not just a story! I've seen them!"

He clutched either side of his temples. "It was terrible. I was just a little kid, and we had gotten out of the Academy early that day. I was bored, so I started to do a little exploring. I came across these caves, and they looked really cool, so I decided to go inside and check them out. I thought they could be my headquarters!"

Naruto squeezed his eyes shut. "But those ghosts are real, I tell you! A group of travelers, lost in those caves until they starved to death? It's not just a story! I saw them!"

"You're such a scaredy-cat," Hinata teased, having snuck up behind him as he was telling his story. She poked him in the back, and he jumped five feet in the air, squealing like a little girl. "These ghosts didn't try to hurt you, did they?"

"Luckily for me, I got away before they could cover me with their ectoplasm or whatever it is ghosts do! I strongly advise you not to go in there, Hinata. Nothing good comes from disturbing the deceased."

"Then you and I will be extra careful not to disturb them, okay? We'll rush in, grab the kitty, and get out before these 'ghosts' try to haunt us." Hinata pushed up against Naruto's back and started forcing him inside the cave, much to his vocal protest.

"I'm telling you, Hinata, this isn't a good idea! We'd be better off waiting for the cat to come out by itself! Please don't make me go in there!" When all traces of the light from outside disappeared, Naruto whimpered.

"Don't worry, I think I have a flashlight in here somewhere," said Hinata, digging through her pouch. She tossed it over to him and giggled as he fumbled around in the dark trying to switch it on. "You're not afraid of the dark too, are you?"

Naruto looked indignant. "Of course I'm not! But ghosts are stronger when it's dark. Everyone knows that."

The cave system was a lot bigger than Hinata had initially guessed from outside. The tunnels varied between towering caverns with ceilings so high that she couldn't jump to touch the ceiling, to narrow little holes too small for a rat to fit through. Deeper and deeper they went, further beneath the surface, until the sounds from outside had all but disappeared.

Hinata sighed with wonder as she passed a natural pillar jutting out of the rock. Seeing all the wonders of the caves with her Byakugan was a spectacle to behold. There were magnificent formations of stalactites and stalagmites, bio-luminescent algae, and the sounds of rushing water all around them. All the while Naruto stuck close behind his girlfriend, muttering apologies to any spirits that might be listening to them.

"Naruto-kun, come look at this!" said Hinata, racing around the corner.

"H-hey, wait up for me!" Naruto called, tripping over his own feet. His mouth gaped open in awe, and even his fear was quelled for a few moments.

A gargantuan waterfall loomed above them, at least over one hundred and fifty feet unbroken, it's roaring waters tumbling downward before splashing into several small springs. More bio-luminescent algae hung from the ceiling, and the water glowed with its reflections.

"It's beautiful..." Hinata said breathlessly. "And all this time, it lay undisturbed. We might be some of the first people down here to see this."

Naruto was reminded of why no one else came down here, and scooted a little closer to his girlfriend. "Maybe this is where the ghosts hold their ghostly meetings. I don't think we should stay much longer."

"We're admiring the natural beauty of this waterfall, Naruto-kun!" Hinata insisted. "I'm sure your apparitions won't mind if we linger a little."

But there came a sound, bouncing off the walls of the cave. It was hard to hear over the roaring of the waterfall, but Hinata could not mistake its origin:

It was faint, but she could hear the sound of a cat mewing.

She had been so drawn into the beauty of the caverns that she had almost forgotten their reason for coming in the first place. She craned her neck to hear better.

"I think it's coming from the waterfall," said Hinata.

"Man, that thing sounds creepy in this cave." Naruto rubbed his arms as goosebumps tickled them. "Let's just grab it and go."

Hinata leapt over to a rock in the middle of the largest pool. The waterfall was nearly deafening this close, but the mewing was louder as well, and from there, Hinata could tell that it was coming from _behind _the waterfall. There was no longer and footholds, so she jumped into the shallow water, surprised at how tepid the temperature was.

"Hinata, what are you doing?" Naruto asked as he chased after her, wading through the water. Hinata shielded her head as she dove right beneath the roaring falls, and Naruto was forced to follow her. He took a deep breath, and plunged into the water.

There was even more algae underwater, lighting the way forward. Naruto would catch the last of Hinata's body as she turned a corner or disappeared behind one of the many pillars holding the submerged tunnel up. Naruto breath was just starting to slip away when he saw Hinata pull herself out of the water, and seconds later he joined her, rubbing the water from his eyes.

"Are you sure a cat is all the way back here?" he asked. "This has gotta be like some kind of super cat or something, you know?"

"He's in here somewhere," Hinata replied. "He's gotta be."

The room they had been brought to was even more fantastic than the previous. Another waterfall stood on the far end, this time falling from a large crack in the cave's ceiling that led to the surface in the form of a river. Naruto guesses this was the result of some kind of cave-in or sinkhole, namely because of the tree standing in the middle of the cave

It was picturesque, almost to the point of being hard to believe in. But there it was; a tree standing in the middle of the cave, surrounded by a small grove of grass. It must have fallen many years ago as a sapling, and received just enough sunlight to reach maturity. Some of the grass had died due to lack of sunlight, but the it was still quite a beautiful sight to behold.

The mewing was even louder this time, and Naruto's impatience at lingering in this place drove him to rush over to where the sound was loudest, a small hole in the wall with complete blackness on the other side.

"I think that furball ran in here!" he said, his voice echoing off the walls. "Once I get the flashlight on him, you just get in there and –"

The light blinked on and off for a few seconds, before finally dying out. Naruto felt a chill run up his spine, and for the second time that day, he squealed like a little girl when a hand rested on his shoulders, before he realized that it was only Hinata.

A flash of color shot past them, pouncing from rock to rock with little effort. Once it was a safe distance away, the cat watched them idly, swishing its tail back and forth.

"Finally, we got you!" Naruto said excitedly. "There's nowhere to run, now!"

He formed the familiar hand-sign, and almost immediately there were dozens of Narutos running straight for the cat, hoping to overpower it with sheer numbers.

The feline jumped in between the closest Naruto's legs, and dove over and under each pair of arms that reached out to try and grab it. One Naruto would crash into another, and soon chaos erupted in the cave as their efforts grew more and more erratic. Hinata tried several times to jump into the fray herself, but whenever there came opening, it disappeared almost as quickly.

The cat lazily jumped back up to the little hole it had came from, licking its paw as the Narutos crawled off of one another. The cat flicked its tail as if to tease Naruto, before jumping back into the darkness.

"Well that was a colossal waste of time," Naruto cried, throwing his hands into the air. "Even after all that time, that cat is even harder to catch than it used to be!"

"It's back inside this little hole now, Naruto-kun. If we keep it in there, it should be a lot easier to catch."

She tied forcing her way through the little cave, but the hole was a tight fit, and Hinata was too short. She felt the cat lapping at her fingertips, and she knew it wouldn't be any use for her to try.

"You'll have to try, Naruto-kun. I'm too short."

Naruto groaned, but stuck his arm through the hole nonetheless. He groped about blindly in the dark, feeling a catch of hair on his fingers every now and then. All of a sudden, there was a sharp pain in his hand.

"The damn thing bit me!" he yelped, jumping from one foot to the other while he sucked on the wound. Hinata calmed him down, and looked the bite over.

"It's not even that deep. She's probably just playing with you," said Hinata.

"That's a funny way of 'playing', don't you think? Can't we just leave the damn thing here?"

Hinata pouted. "Naruto-kun, I'm sure you can get it if you try one more time. For me?" She gave him her best sad eyes just to be sure.

"Fine! But that cat better cooperate this time!" Instead of just his arm, he somehow forced his entire top half into the tiny hole. It was a tighter fit than Hinata's, and he didn't have any wiggle room, but at least he was far enough into the hole to reach it.

"Where are you, you stupid little...Hinata! Can you see it anywhere?"

Hinata activated her Byakugan, and the cat became illuminated in the darkness, watching Naruto from the right side of the cave.

"It's just to your right!" Hinata told him, tugging on the right side of his jacket. She could feel him shift and try to grab it, and saw the cat jump out of his reach just before he could grab it.

"Now it's on the left! 10 o' clock!"

Naruto tried again, and painfully cracked his knuckles against a rough patch of stone.

"Now it's back on the right!"

"It's right in front of you now!"

"You almost got it that time! It's standing just over your head. Try going really fast!"

"You think I haven't already?" Naruto complained from the hole, his voice muffled. "This thing is like greased lightning!" He suddenly groaned in frustration, and started blindly snatching at the air, hoping for luck to be on his side for once. He felt a tuft of fur in his hands, and latched onto it. The fur moved, and he smiled.

"I think I got–OW!" he had in fact gotten ahold of the cat, but no sooner did he have it in his hands than did it try and hasten its escape, scratching his face with its razor-sharp claws.

"Hinata, I –Ow! I got the –ow- cat! I got it!"

"Great work, Naruto-kun! Let's get out of here." She started to walk away, but Naruto had fallen silent. "You coming, Naruto-kun?" she asked.

She turned around to find him still in the hole, squirming against the rock. His efforts grew stronger until they stopped altogether, and his body fell limp against the side of the hole.

"Oh bother..." a muffled voice muttered.

"...I think I'm stuck," she heard him say, with barely contained frustration. He tried again, with the same results. "Yeah, I'm definitely stuck."

"Is the cat still bothering you?"

"No, I think he calmed down. Or is this thing a she? Either way, she seems ready to go back to the village. I think I heard her stomach growl." There came a loud rumble. "I think that one was mine. Could you give me a hand?"

Hinata spat into her hands, rubbed them together, and grabbed onto Naruto's feet. She planted her own, tested her grip, and pulled. With all her might, Naruto remained stuck in the hole.

"No luck?" she heard him ask. "This is why people shouldn't go wandering into haunted caves chasing after cats that they don't even own! I knew we should have stayed home today!"

"For the last time, Naruto-kun, these caves are _not_ haunted!" Hinata ran over to his side, and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Quit it, that tickles!" he started wiggling up against her, making it hard to hold on.

"Will you stop moving? I'm trying to get you out of there!" She pulled with all the force she could muster, and the only thing she managed to do was yank his pants off. They flapped in the air before falling to the pool of water below, quickly becoming drenched.

"Why me?" Naruto asked to no one in particular. "Why does this always have to happen to me?"

"Shut up!" Hinata said, annoyed she had not succeeded. "I'll get you out of the damn hole if it's the last thing I do!"

She heard Naruto giggle at her word choice from her side of the hole, and snapped. Her fists began to glow with concentrated chakra, forming into the shape of two lion heads. With a hearty cry, she started punching the wall all around the hole Naruto was stuck in, pummeling the rock and stone with her fists. A huge cloud of dust rose from the punishment the wall of the cave was taking, and Hinata could no longer see what she was doing to it. There came a loud cracking sound, and Naruto yelped in surprise.

He looked around. "Well...at least you got me out of the hole...sort of."

She had broken the stone that held the hole in place, but the rock that held onto Naruto proved to be a bit more stubborn. It remained intact, and although he was free from the wall, he was still stuck.

The cat leaped out of his arms and onto the floor of the cave, purring and rubbing up against Naruto's leg. Perhaps it thought this entire ordeal was amusing.

"Well now what are we supposed to do?" he asked. "I guess I could just walk back to the village this, and– woah!"

He unexpectedly lost his balance, and while the ring of stone around his body caught his fall, he couldn't stop himself from rolling down the floor of the cave, straight into the water. He went headfirst, and the weight of the stone made it too hard for him to flip back over to where he could breathe, forcing Hinata to jump in and do it for him.

"What kind of rock is this?" he demanded, glaring at it. "Hard enough to not break when you punch it, but now this stuff floats? Hinata, I'm telling you, this place is haunted."

He sighed. "Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place, am I right?" Naruto joked, trying to make light of his annoyance. "Got any ideas about what to do next?"

Hinata scratched her chin. "Well, we could try to get you back to the village like you suggested, where someone else could help us."

"Hey Hinata?"

"Or maybe I could try and numb your body, so we don't have to worry about something getting damaged as I pull you out."

"Hinataaaa?"

"We could even try to put you up against the wall, and–"

"Hinata!"

She noticed that his voice had become smaller and smaller, and when she looked up, she realized that there was a current in the pool they were standing in, and that the current was pulling Naruto away.

Straight towards another waterfall.

Naruto started feebly kicking his feet, slowing himself down just a little. "I could really use your help here, Hinata!" He looked over his shoulder, and saw the massive drop beneath him. He started kicking his feet faster.

Hinata started wading towards him, afraid she might not be fast enough before he tumbled over the edge. She saw him try to grab onto nearby rocks, but every time he got close, the current would pull him away just before he could grab on. She screamed when he teetered over the edge, and fell over without a sound.

But to her surprise, she heard him call out. "I'm okay! You aren't gonna believe what just happened..."

She waded towards the edge of the falls, and pulled herself over a rock to see what Naruto was talking about. He was in fact safe, as the ring of rock that held him in place had gotten trapped between two other rocks jutting over the edge of the falls, catching him before he fell.

"I don't think I'm going anywhere anytime soon," he told her, letting his legs dangle. "What a pain in the ass..."

Hinata put some chakra into the soles of her sandals, and stepped out over the edge of the falls, walking alongside the wall. She closely inspected every inch of the rocks trapping him. If she broke it, it might be hard to catch him before he fell. One of his arms had been pinned against the wall, making shadow clones out of the question. Their list of options dwindled further and further until Hinata saw but one left to them, and she knew Naruto wouldn't like it.

She quietly made her way behind him, positioning herself right in between his legs.

"You figure something out, Hinata?" he asked her, trying to peek over the rocks to look at her. "What do you have in mind?"

"Something you're not gonna like," Hinata told him. She clapped her hands together. "You know I love you, right?"

That scared Naruto. He started squirming from his precarious position. "Hinata, what are you talking about? What are you up to down there?"

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun..." she lifted her index and middle fingers up, and pointed them straight in between Naruto's legs.

He craned his neck just far enough to see what she was doing. His eyes went wide as saucers, and he started to plead for her to think of something else, but he didn't have the time.

"ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!" Hinata cried, driving her fingers straight up Naruto's rear. There was a squishing sound, and then silence.

"AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!" Naruto screamed, before flying out of the hole with amazing speed. His arms now free, they clutched at his wounded behind as he flew through the air. His momentum finally slowed, and he plummeted into the branches of the tree beneath him.

"Are you alright, Naruto-kun?" Hinata called, jumping back up to the top of the falls.

Naruto glared at her from the tree, spitting out several leaves. "You are the worst girlfriend ever."

Hinata rolled her eyes as he jumped down. "At least you're not stuck anymore, right?"

Naruto snatched the cat by the scruff of its neck. "I went through all the trouble for _you_. Do I even get a thank you?"

The cat nuzzled it's chin against Naruto's, and Hinata couldn't help but giggle.

* * *

"When we get back to the village, your sister is going to owe us so big," Naruto said, letting the cat rest on his shoulders. "I'm thinking free ramen for a couple weeks."

They had been taking their time as they made their way out of the caves, having been drained by the day's events. It was dark, but Hinata was leading Naruto by the hand with the help of her Byakugan, and the way out was getting closer and closer.

"You know, we never did figure out what the hairball was doing down here in the first place." He held the cat in front of his face, ignoring as it tried to play with his nose by hitting at it with its paws. "Just what are you hiding from us?"

Just then, there came a horrific sound from the depths of the caves. It sounded like something between nails scratching across a chalkboard, and a blood-curdling scream. In his fright, Naruto tossed the cat straight up to the ceiling, where it hung by its claws, caught by surprise.

"What the hell was that?" Naruto asked, just before the cry came again, this time louder and in greater number. "See? I told you this place was haunted!"

He made a run for it, but since he had absolutely no idea where he was going, he ran straight into a wall. The cry came a third time, and he scrambled into a ball, his eyes searching wildly about for the source. He looked into the darkness, and saw several pairs of glowing yellow eyes staring back at him. Yet again, Naruto Uzumaki screamed like a little girl.

Three little kittens came prancing out of the dark, straight towards their mother. Once Hinata realized what had happened, she found it hard to keep her balance, as she was laughing so hard.

"What the– kittens?" Naruto scrambled over to see for himself, and sure enough, they were kittens. One of them meowed loudly, producing the same chilling sound from before.

Naruto made a face. "This place is evil. Maybe not haunted, but evil for sure. Let's get the hell out of here."

He heard a deep rumbling sound, and turned around. "Okay, which one of you is making _that _noise?"

But as he heard it again, he realized that none of them were the source of that particular sound. He checked the ceiling above him, and saw several small pieces of it falling to the floor.

"It's a cave-in!" he yelled, grabbing Hinata's hand. He could hear the sounds of outside just nearby, and hoped they were close. "It must have happened when you tried to get me out of the wall!"

The rumbling grew louder and louder as they raced for the exit of the cave. They turned one last corner, and the burst of sunlight spurred them on. They were almost there...

Hinata looked behind her. "Naruto-kun! The kittens!"

They were completely unaware of the danger, having stopped in the middle of the cave to chase each other's tails. Naruto tossed their mother to Hinata, shoved her outside the cave, and jumped over them just as the ceiling fell down on top of them.

Hinata coughed and swatted the dust away as best she could. "Naruto-kun?" she called out, nosing through the piles of rock.

She heard more coughing, and after she pulled one of the larger rocks out of the way, was greeted with Naruto's face. He had just enough room to lift his chest into the air, where the three kittens emerged from, jumping down the rocks to join their mother.

Hinata kissed him on the nose. "You're such a hero, Naruto-kun."

"Yeah, I'm a real stand-up guy. Let's just go home. I think Granny needs to pay us both for having to put up with this crap." He planted his hands on the rocks beside him, and tried to pull himself free.

He wouldn't budge.

"Oh bother..."

* * *

**Author's Note:** The title is a reference to Winnie the Pooh, and his bad habit of getting stuck in holes in the ground.

Here's what inspired this one-shot: **I have an idea if your interested basically naruto and hinata alone on a mission together to find a lost animal and while looking in some caves for it naruto stupidly gets himself stuck headfirst and halfway through a hole in the wall and hinata has to try and free him from his humiliating position.**

Thanks again, **yrsd**! That was a lot of fun to write!

Remember, if you have a moment of inspiration, let me know! As you can see, you'll never know what could be worked into a story! A lot of you liked that one with Konohamaru and Hanabi, so I might just have to revisit that story. ;]

Until next time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** This chapter is here for a few different reasons.

One, it's to show you guys that I'm not dead or anything. I've had a lot of trouble the past few weeks. Work has been really stressful, Civilization 5 kept pulling me away from writing, and I went through like three rewrites of this thing. I still won't say I'm entirely satisfied with the final product, but it's definitely a lot better than what I had before

So here's what I'd like to ask of you guys. If you like this, let me know, and I'll keep going. If you don't, I'll delete this chapter, and start from scratch. Don't worry, my feelings won't be hurt. Maybe I was just in a creative funk or something. I feel like it starts out stronger, and gets a little flat by the end.

Anyway, a lot of people were wondering what happened after Naruto helped Konohamaru spy on the girls in the Bathhouse. Well, I decided to continue on from that idea, with what we have here. What I've written is not the entire thing. It's really a two parter, but I wanted to at least get one part out since it's been too long since I've last updated something. Once I get part two out (assuming you guys give the greenlight) I want to work on a new chapter for my larger, and first, fic.

I hope you enjoy it! There were several people who suggested this idea, so I won't list a single person. Though my good friend **Chewie Cookies** was the one to _officially_ bring it to my attention, so maybe he gets the lion's share?

* * *

**Obsessively Shadowing**

Naruto Uzumaki was not known for being what one would call an 'attractive' sleeper.

Last night had been unseasonably hot, forcing his mind to take drastic measures to keep him swimming in ramen-filled dreams. These included but are not limited to the following: he was drooling copious amounts into his pillow, nearly submerging his cheek, his legs had somehow devised the flexibility to remove both his pants and underwear without waking up, and perhaps most _strikingly_, his ass had risen into the air like a phoenix from the ashes, a most unfortunate sight for anyone who might want to peek inside his window.

Which is exactly what Hinata Hyūga was greeted with as she leapt up to his balcony. The shiny ass of her boyfriend was _exactly _what she wanted to see first thing in the morning. With a large amount of restraint, she withheld her cry of disgust, and crept inside.

Hinata never knew how to wake Naruto up. Sometimes he was an incredibly light sleeper, awaking at even the tiniest disturbances. Other times it would take the very walls of his apartment crumbling down around him to wrest him from his slumber. Sometimes he was overjoyed to wake to see his girlfriend. Other times, he rolled over and went back to sleep, assuming it was only a dream.

"Naruto-kun..." she whispered, touching the tip of his nose. "It's time to wake up. I have some exciting news."

He heartily responded by burping into her face, the stench of his morning breath making Hinata's hair stand on end. She shivered, her resolve tested, but not broken.

"Naruto-kun, you need to wake up! It's almost eleven-thirty." She started gently shaking him by the shoulder, but he slept on, scratching his naked rear-end in front of her.

She sighed. "Naruto-kun, it's time to wake _up_!" As she finished her sentence, she pinched his ears in between her fingers, and twisted. Not too hard, but enough to scare him awake. He yelped, and threw his pillow in her face.

"Hinata!" he said, scrambling to make himself decent. "What are you doing here?" He got roped into his own sheets, and collapsed onto the floor face first.

Hinata dropped the pillow to the floor. "Naruto-kun! Are you alright?" she bent down to help him up. "You don't have to be so embarrassed. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yeah, but there's always some kind of pomp and circumstance, you know? You're expecting it. I don't think your dad would appreciate knowing you walking in on me mooning you like that."

Hinata giggled. "You make a good point. Now get dressed; we're going back to my house."

"What's this all about?" Naruto asked, as he looked for something to wear underneath the massive piles of dirty clothes.

"You remember what happened in the bathhouse a while back?" Hinata asked. "You know, when you helped Konohamaru peep on my little sister?"

Naruto grinned, scratching his cheek. "Oh, you're talking about _that_. I thought you were talking about when that woman walked in on us—"

"_No_, I wasn't talking about _that_."

"I especially like the part when you pulled up your—"

Hinata breathed deeply through her nose. "Naruto-kun…"

"Oh! Or what about the part when you grabbed the—"

She grabbed his mouth before he could say anything else. "Your window is still open! Could you _please_ stop talking about that?" He nodded slowly, and she lifted her hand away from his mouth.

"Good. Anyway, I overheard my sister speaking with Konohamaru yesterday. I don't know how he did it, but your little friend escaped getting pulverized, and now he and Hanabi-chan have a date today."

Naruto's mouth fell open. "Are you _shitting_ me? I would have gotten torn limb from limb if that had been me! How did that little brat succeed where I would have failed?"

"That's what we're going to find out," said Hinata. "I want to see them off before they leave."

"Boooring!" Naruto said with a snort. "Is that really all you want out of this golden opportunity?" Naruto asked, leaping in front of his girlfriend with a twinkle in his eye. "There are so many possibilities here, Hinata! All you have to do is reach out…"

He grabbed at the air in front of his face. "And take them!"

"Naruto-kun, what are you talking about?" Hinata asked, a little apprehensive. "You have that wild look in your eye again."

Her boyfriend rubbed his hands together, licking his lips. "I'm thinking a more direct approach is required. How about a little harmless observation, hmm?"

Hinata caught on quickly. "That s-sounds a little too much like stalking, Naruto-kun. I only wanted to know what happened between them, not ruin a relationship before it starts."

Naruto threw his arm around her shoulder. "That's only if they see us! Come on, I think we can handle those. I have a Hyūga, and Konohamaru has a Hyūga! It's an even playing field, but we have the advantage of them not knowing what we're doing! I promise we'll stay out of whatever they have planned for today, okay? I just wanna see what they're up to."

"You want to pull pranks on them, you mean…" Hinata muttered, already getting worried. "Naruto-kun, I don't know about this...couldn't we do something else?"

But she knew it was a lost cause. Once Naruto Uzumaki had it in his mind to prank someone, it was impossible to steer him back. The best thing to do now was tag along and try and rein him in from doing anything too outlandish. She remembered one prank he had pulled on Kakashi in particular; the details were a little fuzzy (or maybe her subconscious refused to recall them completely), but it had somehow involved Kakashi's ninken and women's underwear, and ended up in a fire breaking out on the outskirts of the village.

Naruto's mind could be a dangerous place. Hinata shivered at the thought of him putting it to good use tonight.

She sighed heavily. "I can see nothing I say will make you change your mind. But I'm going with you, Naruto-kun, to make sure you don't overdo it."

Naruto grinned with a little too much glee. "You're the best, Hinata! You won't regret it."

'_Why do I feel like I _am_ going to regret this?'_ Hinata thought to herself, as she watched Naruto rub his hands together again, searching his room for the proper tools.

* * *

"Look! There they are!" Naruto said, pointing through the branches.

Hinata had told him what little of the details of her sister's plans she could, and realizing that they would miss their chance if they dawdled any longer, Naruto dragged her out the door, heading in the direction of the Hyūga compound. He didn't have time to pick out specific 'tools', as he called them, so he simply threw them all together in a large backpack and carried it along with them. His insistence, they had changed out of their usual attire, switching to a matching pair of black jumpsuits that looked frighteningly similar to Lee's and Guy's, with hats as well. Their ensemble was accentuated by black paint underneath their eyes; they looked more like a pair of idiotic cat burglars than anything else. Hinata was mortified, but Naruto seemed to be enjoying himself so far, so she tried to as well.

They passed a window, and she got a good look at herself. Enjoying herself would be harder than originally thought.

"Don't you think this is exactly what I mean when I said overboard?" Hinata asked, as Naruto hummed a sneaky little tune. He somersaulted up against the wall, peeking around the corner.

"Not at all!" he said. "You haven't been in this business as long as I have, Hinata. This is how a prank master handles his business: with style." A group of girls walked by, and happened to notice them, before bursting out into raucous laughter. Hinata was mortified, but Naruto truly didn't seem to mind.

A few minutes later, and the Hyūga compound finally came into view. Hinata started walking straight towards the front door, but Naruto pulled her back, and into some bushes nearby.

"Don't you think your sister would be a little curious is she saw us like this?" Naruto reminded her, checking to see if they were alone. "We have to be incognito."

Hinata tugged at her clothing. "I think we m-missed our chance for that, Naruto-kun."

"Well, while we're waiting for Konohamaru to show up, we can decide what we need out of my little bag of tricks!" he threw the bag in front of them, and undid the zipper.

"How on earth did you manage to fit all of this in here?" Hinata asked, pulling out a rubber chicken. She took another look. "Some of this stuff looks illegal…"

"Don't worry about that!" Naruto reassured her. "I checked! It's only illegal if they catch you with it. I'm super careful when I need it with me. Now, if we were in another village, it would be totally illegal. That would be a bummer, right?"

Hinata pinched the bridge of her nose. "Of course...a 'bummer'. Where on earth do you find these things?"

Naruto fished out a strangely-shaped shuriken, before flinging it into the tree above them. "I don't remember, actually. I pick them up when I go on longer missions. They're kind of like souvenirs. Ohhh, check these out!" He lifted a pair of goggles from his pack, and put them on.

"This guy selling these in the street told me they were night-vision goggles. I can see in the dark with these bad boys!"

Hinata was intrigued. "Night-vision? You can see in the dark?"

"Yep! Here, I'll show you."

He flicked them on, and Hinata sighed. Attaching a flashlight to either end of the goggles was a poor way to grant 'night-vision'. But Naruto looked so excited with his tech that Hinata didn't have the heart to tell him the truth.

"It's still kind of bright outside, so they don't work as well," he explained, putting them away. "But they're a lot of fun to use when it gets dark. Hey! Is that Konohamaru?"

Hinata turned around, and sure enough, Konohamaru was making his way down the street. He looked unusually sweaty, and clutched in his hands was a collapsing bouquet of flowers. Every step he took shook more petals from the flowers, and they barely hear him muttering to himself.

"You'll be alright, Konohamaru," he said. "Sure, Hanabi-chan is capable of beating you to a bloody pulp, but if you do a good job, that won't happen!" He laughed a little too loudly, and tripped over his own two feet.

Hinata let out an audible sound of joy. "Ohh, he's s-so nervous! That's so cute!"

Naruto's smile was a little more malicious. "Yesssss. This will work to our advantage. Your sister has quite the temper on her, doesn't she?"

"Yes she does, but if you push this further than it needs to go, I'll tell her that you were behind all this, and _you'll_ be the one dealing with that temper of hers." Hinata leaned in close to her boyfriend. "A word of recommendation: cover the parts you want to keep."

Naruto's hands flew to his crotch just as Konohamaru was timidly knocking on the compound's front door. He took a few steps back, and waited.

Hanabi answered the door a few seconds later. She wore a short, deep purple skirt and a hooded jacket with the sleeves torn off. Hinata's eyes narrowed as she recognized it.

"…That's _my_ jacket," she hissed. "I didn't tell her she could use one of _my_ jackets."

"That's one of your old ones, isn't it?" Naruto asked. "Is it that big of a deal? You couldn't fit into them anymore."

The look Hinata shot him told Naruto it _was _kind of a big deal. "You're not a girl with a sister, so you wouldn't understand. Using your sister's clothes is just…wrong. And she cut the sleeves off too! That was one of my favorite jackets."

Naruto grinned. "I'm detecting a little hostility here. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Hinata cracked her knuckles, her eyes twinkling with that same mischievous glow as Naruto's. "Show them no mercy. We'll do whatever you want."

Hanabi was saying something to Konohamaru as she accepted his gift, taking them back inside. She reappeared a few moments later, taking Konohamaru's arm and leading him down the street. Obviously she had plans, and Konohamaru was just along for the ride. He didn't seem to mind, however, the way his cheeks turned red.

"Shit! They're leaving!" Naruto hurriedly scooped everything back into his bag, and leapt to the nearest rooftop were they could follow them out of sight.

"Where do you think they're going?" Naruto asked.

Hinata watched her sister walk through the village, trying to guess where she might be going. "Hanabi-chan likes this tempura restaurant in town. Maybe they're headed there for lunch?"

It turns out Hinata was right. Hanabi had ordered a reservation for the two of them at the restaurant, and were led inside to be seated almost the moment they showed their faces inside. Wielding a pair of binoculars, Naruto frowned.

"How the hell did they get in there so fast? I heard this place was impossible to get a reservation for!" He started grumbling to himself. Seems like Konohamaru had all the luck Naruto had missed over the years.

"My father comes here a lot," Hinata explained. "At least, the few times he's gone out to eat, that is. The owner l-loves any chance he can get to serve our clan."

"So he's a brown-noser? He'll do whatever a Hyūga wants?"

Hinata started to catch on. "Just what do you have in mind, Naruto-kun?"

The malicious grin was starting to look like it would be plastered on Naruto's face for the rest of his life. "Oh, just step one in my grand master plan. Do you think you can get us in there?"

* * *

"Absolutely not! I simply cannot accommodate you!"

The moment Naruto set eyes on the owner of the restaurant, he didn't like him. He was a tall drink of water with a silver spoon up his ass, with watery eyes and thin lips. There was almost always a handkerchief in his hand, which he used to wipe his brow. It looked like he might faint any second.

He shook his head over and over again. "No, no no no! That is a horrid idea. I cannot help you two, I'm afraid. You'll have to take your shenanigans elsewhere."

"We're not gonna burn the place down!" said Naruto. "We just want to mess with our friends a little bit. We promise they won't sue you or anything if _that's _what you're worried about."

The man started grinding his teeth. "That does not help your case, young man! Why would setting fire to my restaurant even cross your mind?"

Naruto swore under his breath and looked apologetically at Hinata. Obviously he was only making things worse, so he looked to her for help. She wrung her hands with nervousness, and took a deep breath.

"Is th-there really n-no way you can help us?" Hinata asked, in her softest and sweetest voice. "I'm s-sure my father w-would be _so_ grateful to hear that you helped his daughter."

The owner hadn't considered that before, and he licked his lips as he thought about it, twisting his handkerchief in his hands.

Hinata leaned against Naruto, putting her head on his shoulder, and her hand on his chest. "And I'm sure Naruto-kun, the hero of the village, would be eternally grateful as well. He carries _such_ a reputation among the other villagers, after all. Wouldn't you be grateful, Naruto-kun?"

Unfortunately, Naruto wasn't paying attention, under the impression that Hinata was handling it by herself, and had his pinky shoved up his nose trying to quell a stubborn itch. She frowned, and elbowed him in the side. "I said, _wouldn't you be grateful_?" she repeated, glaring at him.

"Oh, y-yeah!" Naruto stammered. "I'd be grateful as hell, or whatever! You bet! This would be my favorite place right after Ichiraku's!"

Hinata elbowed him again for the Ichiraku's comment, but the owner seemed to understand that he could never replace Naruto's precious ramen. He pursed his lips, deep in thought.

"Very well," he said finally. "You and your father are such lovely customers, Hinata-sama. I would love to be of any use to you that I can."

"Kiss-ass…" Naruto muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. "So you'll let us in, yeah?"

The man nodded, wiping his brow as he stood. "Yes yes, I will allow you free reign in my restaurant, but I require a certain amount of respect. Try to avoid breaking anything, or drawing too much attention to yourself. I appreciate your family's business, but even that is not worth losing my establishment over."

Hinata stood as well, bowing deeply. "Of course, sir. We will be extra careful. Thank you." She dragged Naruto by the collar out of the room before he could make anything worse. The moment they were outside his office, Naruto shook his head in disbelief, a wide grin split across his face.

"You little minx!" he teased, kissing her neck. "Who could have thought that sweet little Hinata could be so manipulative?" The color drained from his face. "…how many times have you used that on me, I wonder?"

Hinata kissed him back with a wink. "I wouldn't worry too much. And it w-was nothing. That man is notorious for doing anything my father asks. Wait, where are you going?"

"Well, your sister and Konohamaru got here before us, right? If we want to get anything done, we gotta do it now!"

The cooks and other staff were much more accommodating to Naruto and Hinata than the owner. Several of them had lost family members during Pain's invasion, and because Naruto's bravery had saved their lives, they were more than happy to help them out. One man, a jolly, rotund fellow, seemed almost as devious as Naruto was.

"So what do you have in mind for the happy couple?" he asked, stirring a massive pot of soup. "There's so much you can do with food, you know!"

"That's what I was thinking too!" Naruto said, reaching into his bag of tricks. He pulled out a small vial. "I was thinking we'd start off with this."

Hinata pulled out a shaker of something filled with fine black powder. "What about this? What does it do?"

Naruto made a scared face, grabbed the shaker, and put it back into his bag. "Be careful with some of this stuff, Hinata! That's a little too far, I think, so don't worry about it. Anyway…"

He showed the cook the vial. "A few drops of this on their appetizers ought to do the trick."

"What is it?"

"A very special spice that I got from a joke shop when I traveled with Ero-sennin," Naruto explained. "Not only is it the hottest hot sauce known to man, but when it's mixed with enough saliva, and just a little oxygen, you get a little fireworks show."

The cook pushed Konohamaru's and Hanabi's orders forward as Naruto dropped a little of the concoction on each plate. "It's a special kind of flame, so you don't have to worry about getting burned, but it's definitely a lot of fun."

Hinata eyed the food anxiously. "I don't know, Naruto-kun. Are you sure everything's going to be alright?"

She never got the answer to her question, as an absent-minded waitress hurried by, and scooped up the food before anyone could stop her. She disappeared into the main floor of the restaurant, and Hinata felt a lump in her throat. Naruto had the opposite reaction, giggling maniacally as he latched onto her wrist. "Come on, you'll wanna see this!"

He led her out onto the restaurant floor, right in the middle of the lunch rush. Naruto, completely oblivious to his surroundings, pulled her through the crowded area still wearing their black jumpsuits and creeping in between the tables like they were invisible. From the looks she was getting, they were obviously not.

Hinata just closed her eyes and tried not to think about it.

Naruto pulled her into an empty booth, peeking over the seat. Konohamaru and Hanabi were talking with one another, just as their food arrived. Naruto started giggling again.

"It's about time!" Konohamaru said excitedly, rubbing his hands together. "I thought we were gonna have to wait forever!"

Hanabi rolled her eyes. Don't over exaggerate. We wait like ten minutes." Her eyes widened when she noticed that Konohamaru had already started digging in, his mouth full of food.

"Yeah, but you said this place was really good, so I got extra hungry! If we had to wait any longer, I might have…might have…" he trailed off, and lightly tapped his chest with his hand.

"Something wrong?" Hanabi asked, setting down her fork before it touched her lips.

Konohamaru burped. "Yeah…I just feel a little funny, that's all. I think I'll be—"

Without warning, he burped again, and a large fireball shot out of his mouth, making a large whooshing sound as it headed straight for Hanabi's face. Several of the patrons shrieked in surprise, Konohamaru especially.

Naruto couldn't take it anymore. He nearly fell out of the booth laughing, and Hinata had to hold him up and clamp her hand over his mouth to keep him from giving them away.

"What the hell?" Konohamaru spat, just before another fireball shot its way out of his mouth. This time, Hanabi ducked underneath, and it dissipated into the air.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, jumping out of the booth. "What the _hell_ _are you doing?_"

Konohamaru shrugged as more and more flames shot out of his mouth. He finally figured out that they were harmless, and shut his mouth. His eyes began to water as the hot sauce continued to burn his tongue, so he grabbed a glass of water from another table, and gulped the whole thing down. He reached across the table and did the same thing with the other one.

He and Hanabi started arguing trying to figure out what had just happened, while Naruto and Hinata watched from their hiding spot.

"That was awesome!" Naruto said, having finally calmed down. "That went better than I could have hoped."

Even Hinata was smiling. "That was a l-little more than I was expecting, Naruto-kun."

"Wait until it comes out the other end," said Naruto. "That's the real reason why that stuff is so expensive."

"The 'other' end?" Hinata repeated. "Naruto-kun…what do you mean by that?"

"No time for that now! They're leaving the restaurant!" Naruto pointed towards the front entrance, and he was right. Hanabi and Konohamaru were hurrying out the door, no doubt hoping to avoid future embarrassment, as well as allow everyone else to get back to their meals. Of course, the damage had been done. Everybody was talking about what had just happened, and it was only exacerbated when Naruto and Hinata followed them outside, _still_ wearing their black jumpsuits and hats.

"Looks like they're going back to your house," observed Naruto, as he watched Hanabi and Konohamaru grow smaller in the distance. There was still plenty of sunlight left that day, which meant plenty of time left for pranking. "You ready for round two, or what?"

* * *

**Author's Note:** So? Did you like it? Not so much? Remember, if you did, please let me know, and I'll keep going with this. If you didn't, I'll delete this chapter, and start from the ground up. I'm personally to the point where I'm satisfied with it, but I feel like I might be stuck in a creative rut unless I get through it. Use your best judgment!

Until next time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:** Hey all.

It took a little longer than expected, but I finally finished! I'm glad you guys really liked the first half of this extended one-shot, and I hope you like this half just as much. If not, just let me know, and I'll learn from my mistakes.

This will be the last one for a little while. I feel that people have been waiting quite some time for a new chapter from my first fic, so I want to get at least one more out the door before I come trudging back this way. If you have any ideas in the meantime, just let me know!

Again, I hope you like it!

* * *

**Obsessively Shadowing (Part 2)**

"Why did we leave? I wanted to know who the hell put that stuff in my food!"

Konohamaru was still sore over the whole affair. Instead of discovering which veritable son-of-a-bitch had slipped something into his food, Hanabi had simply informed the hostess that they needed to leave, and paid for their appetizers. Being a member of the Hyūga clan, the woman could only graciously accept, and they bolted out the door, Konohamaru still spouting flames out of his mouth.

But now, they had finally been quelled after generous portions of whatever liquid happened to be nearby, and now he wanted answers.

"We could have at least asked if there was someone new working there tonight!"

Hanabi pulled on his arm a little harder. "Absolutely not! If my dad found out we made a scene at his favorite restaurant, I'd never hear the end of it!"

"To be fair, Hanabi, we kind of _already made one_."

His date spun on her toes and glared at him, which was especially frightening considering her heritage. Konohamaru whimpered into submission, and trailed after her.

Unbeknownst to either of them, however, was that the culprits behind their hasty retreat from the restaurant were still following them. Naruto and Hinata had shed their burglar outfits (much to her joy), and instead used a simple transformation technique to alter their appearances into those of senior citizens.

"This is great!" Naruto said with excitement. "They have _no_ idea! Where do you think they're going now?"

Hinata played her part well, shrugging her tired old shoulders. "It l-looks like they're going back to the compound. Maybe Hanabi-chan had something else planned?"

"Good! That means another thing we can bring to ruin! This day just gets better and better!"

Hinata sighed. She was afraid he was taking this too far, but she had to admit she enjoyed seeing him so happy. She decided the pros outweighed the cons, and continued to go along with it.

She had guessed right. Hanabi dragged Konohamaru all the way back to the compound, and into the kitchen, where she planned on making them a lunch, without having to worry about more food being poisoned. As Hanabi gathered some things together, she sent Konohamaru off to clean up so he could help her.

Hinata and Naruto watched him walk by from another room, peeking through the doorway.

"What should we do now?" Hinata asked. "They're onto us if you mess with their f-food again."

Naruto pulled his bag of tricks around, and began digging through once more. He threw out whoopee cushion, a container of salt mislabeled as sugar, and several other more juvenile tools. He let out an enthusiastic "A-ha!", and pulled out a delicate scroll from the bottom of the bag.

"This also cost me a pretty penny when I was traveling with Ero-sennin, and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get a chance to use it!"

He suddenly darted from the room, straight after Konohamaru. He disregarded the amount of noise he was making, and strode straight up to him as if nothing was wrong. "Hey, Konohamaru!"

"Naruto-nīchan? What're you doing—?"

Naruto interrupted him by opening the scroll in his face. A small cloud of dust popped out, and with a gentle breath, Naruto blew it into Konohamaru's face. The look of surprise relaxed, and Konohamaru's arms fell limp at his sides.

"Naruto-kun, what did you do to him?" Hinata asked, worried. She waved her arm in front of Konohamaru's face, but he only giggled at her. "This seems a little unethical."

"Nonsense!" Naruto said with a smile. "It's not like I could force him to do anything. He just becomes a little more susceptible to suggestion, provided it's about whatever he was already going to do."

Hinata's eyes narrowed. "B-but Naruto-kun…Konohamaru was about to…" She froze. "No. Absolutely not! Do not even think about it!"

But Naruto was so lost in his fun that he didn't hear her. He leaned over, whispered something into Konohamaru's ear, and almost choked on his own laughter as Konohamaru bent over in the middle of the hallway, unzipped his fly, and started 'relieving himself' in the middle of the house.

His merriment became too much for him. Naruto let out a loud guffaw, and clamped a hand over his mouth when he realized his mistake.

"What's going on in there?" they heard Hanabi's voice say, alongside her footsteps. Hinata swallowed her anger, and dragged Naruto into the other room again before they were seen, and the only thing Hanabi _did_ see, was Konohamaru pissing all over the hardwood floor.

Hinata had shut the door to better hide themselves, but she could hear the violence through the door. Konohamaru snapped out of his daze almost as quickly as he had fallen in, and tried in vain to keep Hanabi's wrath from him.

Hinata was watching them from the other side of the door, when Hanabi suddenly spun around, her own Byakugan active. Immediately, Hinata deactivated her own, and masked as much of her own chakra as she could, shooting Naruto a desperate glance s she dragged them as far across the room as she could without making any noise. He caught her message _just_ before Hanabi's eyes fell on the room they were hiding in, and although Hanabi's eyes seemed to linger on their spot for a few tense seconds, Hinata almost sighed with relief when she saw a bug of some kind skittering across the wall. That must have been what Hanabi had seen, she decided, because her little sister watched the insect for a few more seconds, before finally turning back around.

"Maybe there were some lingering after-effects to what you ate at the restaurant," she announced, hoisting Konohamaru back to his feet. "Go get a rag and some soap, and mop this up before anyone else sees, and I might just let you walk away from this."

Nearly pissing himself again out of fear, Konohamaru hurried off to comply.

The coast was clear, and the first thing Hinata did was slap Naruto across the back of his head. "That was too far, and you know it! This is my house, remember!"

Naruto pouted. "But Konohamaru's gonna clean it up and everything! It was just a harmless little prank, Hinata!"

Hinata wasn't having any of it. She grabbed onto his ear, and pinched. "Don't push this too far, Naruto-kun. You don't want the entire Hyūga clan coming after you, do you?"

"D-does that include you too?"

Hinata nodded. "Yes, it does."

Naruto dropped his eyes to the floor, feeling dejected. "Aww gee, I'm sorry Hinata! I just wanted to have a little fun, and I guess I got carried away! I didn't mean to. Can you forgive me?"

She tried her best to keep a straight face, but Hinata couldn't help but smile at the way he looked at her. Hinata patted him on the head. "Of course I forgive you. Just promise me you won't get too carried away again, okay?"

Naruto perked up almost immediately. "Great! Because now, it's your sister's turn! Let's go!"

He led her towards the kitchen. "Go see what your sister is doing. I'll let you devise whatever scheme you want while I go check on Konohamaru and make sure he doesn't suspect anything!" He slunk off back down the hallway.

Just as he was out of earshot, Hinata heard her sister speak up. "Why is Naruto so dead set on ruining my date?"

Hinata walked casually into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. "How long have you known?"

Hanabi tapped her temple. "With these, does it matter? I would have figured it out eventually. Now, I'll ask again: why is Naruto trying to ruin my date with Konohamaru, and why are you helping him, now that I think about it?"

"He just wanted to have a little fun," Hinata replied, twiddling her thumbs. "I didn't think he would get so…excited about it."

"Your boyfriend's like a puppy. He gets _too_ excited. I don't know how he did it, but I'm assuming he was the one behind Konohamaru peeing all over the floor. If dad even catches a whiff of that…"

Hinata held her hands up. "I know, I know! I told him that was too far. Now he wants me to see what you're doing, and decide how we can prank you as w-well."

Her sister smirked, and crossed the kitchen. She wrapped her arm over Hinata's shoulders, and prodded her in the stomach with the wooden spoon she was holding. "And what do _you_ want to do? Because I think you want to get Naruto back for getting a little over zealous. Am I wrong?" She waggled her eyebrows.

"Naruto-kun and I are in a relationship, Hanabi-chan," Hinata protested, twiddling her fingers together. "I don't th-think he would like that very much."

Hanabi nodded. "Right, just like we didn't like him tricking Konohamaru into peeing on our floor. Come on, let's get him back! He won't even see it coming! Help your little sis out, will you?"

"You sound like you already have something in mind…" Hinata replied. Honestly, is pranking one another all everyone else in this village ever thought about?

"As a matter of fact, I do, and I'm going through with it with or without you. Are you in, or out?" Hanabi stuck her hand out, waiting for her sister. "I promise it won't hurt him, okay? And I won't pee on his floor either."

Hinata accepted her sister's hand, and they officially shook on it. "Fine, but promise me you won't overdo it."

"Of course I promise! When have I _ever_ overdone it?" Hanabi asked.

Nearly every sparring session Hinata had endured when they were children came to mind.

"We have to sell this, so just go along with whatever Naruto wants to do for now, until I can figure out what to do to get him back. If he suspects something I'll need you to throw him off my trail, okay? He's probably waiting for you somewhere, so you better get back to him." She waved her sister off, and returned to making lunch as before.

Naruto was in fact waiting for his girlfriend out in the garden, hiding behind a tree and giggling like an idiot.

Hinata sighed. "What did you do to him this time, Naruto-kun?"

"Nothing too fancy. He was carrying so much stuff from the broom closet that he couldn't see where he was going, so I tripped him. The water and soap went _everywhere_!"

She tried to hide it. Hinata was actually a little excited to get him back. Naruto thought he was untouchable when it came to pranking, and his confidence made him completely trusting.

"What did your sister say?" he asked, creeping up underneath the window looking into the kitchen. He took a peek, and darted back into hiding before he was seen. "Is she making them a lunch?"

Hinata froze. Hanabi hadn't told her what to say in case Naruto asked, so she needed to think on her feet. "Y-yes! They plan on taking it into the gardens."

Naruto rubbed his hands together. "Perfect! There are lots of places to hide, and plenty of things we can do out here. I'm thinking Bees. Are you thinking Bees? Oh! Or maybe _ants_. Plenty of ants out here, I bet."

His girlfriend visibly cringed. She didn't want to lead her sister into that, but she knew she had to play along for now. "You go look for places to hide, I'll go see what my sister's up to."

Naruto agreed readily, and raced off like a child given free rein in a candy store. Hinata snuck back to the window, and caught Hanabi's attention. She couldn't just open the window and tell her, since Konohamaru had finally come back, and was sitting with his back to the window, so she resorted to violent gesturing to try and convey her message.

She spied a basket filled with flowers nearby, and grabbed it, dumping out the flowers and waving it in the air through the window. Hanabi looked lost. Hinata made an eating motion out of the basket, but Hanabi was still clueless.

Hinata slapped her forehead. She started waving her arms like a maniac, and mouthed the word 'picnic' over and over until it finally dawned on Hanabi what she was talking about. She gave the o.k., and Hinata ducked out of sight before Konohamaru could see her.

Hanabi and Konohamaru appeared a few minutes later, looking for a spot to sit down with their food. Hanabi's acting was atrocious; she exaggerated every word that came out of her mouth, and her eyes darted around the garden as she looked for Hinata and Naruto. She might have even waved at them had she actually spotted them.

"Here, Konohamaru! Over _here_!" she said, pointing to a spot underneath a large tree. "This spot is oh so perfect. Let us sit here!" She skipped over to the patch of grass, and started unfolding the cloth she had brought out with her.

"Why the hell are you talking like that?" Konohamaru muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something, Konohamaru-kun?" Hanabi asked, in perhaps _too_ sweetly of a voice. "I thought I heard you say something."

Konohamaru saw something strange in the way she looked at him, and decided it was best to keep it to himself. He zipped his mouth closed, and helped Hanabi unpack their lunch in silence.

Meanwhile, Naruto was busy preparing his next strike. He had found an old ramen container buried in the bottom of his bag, and was using the scent to attract as many ants as possible. Slowly but surely, several trails were weaving their way underneath the brush, and Hinata was growing increasingly uncomfortable the closer they got. As far as the ants were concerned, she and Naruto were the only thing between them and a feast.

"Okay, I'm going to go slip this into their basket," Naruto whispered, stalking off behind Hanabi and Konohamaru.

Hinata saw her chance. She and her sister had developed a system of communicating with one another in case their father was angry with one of them, and they needed to stay out of his way until things calmed down. Until now, Hinata hadn't the need to use it, but Naruto was too close, and would smell trouble if Hinata contacted her sister directly.

She pursed her lips, and whistled a distinctive tune. It was similar to that of one of the many songbirds that populated the garden, but lower-pitched, alerting Hanabi that 'someone' was coming. But instead of their father, it was Naruto.

Hanabi's ear perked up at the sound, and when she spied a flash of orange stalking through the bushes, she tried not to let it show. Instead, she pulled a small piece of food from her basket, and tossed it towards Hinata, effectively changing the status quo.

Hinata _was_ going to put it in Naruto's bag, but he came back more quickly than expected. As he snuck up behind her, she let out a tiny "Eep!" and the food fell to the ground, right where Naruto sat down.

"The package is in place," Naruto informed her, looking quite pleased with himself. Now all we have to do is wait for the ants to show up, and then we…"

Hinata stopped listening to him, her attention drawn to the scores of ants sneaking up behind Naruto. She clamped a hand over her mouth as he went on oblivious to the danger, and as thousands of hungry ants crawled towards their prize. They couldn't discern the difference between the food being underneath Naruto, and the food _being_ Naruto, so the vast majority of them started crawling down his pants.

It was like watching a time bomb go off. Naruto's smile started to fade as a strange sensation spread on his ass. Then he frowned. Then he looked at Hinata, his eyes glazed over as he tried to make sense of what was happening inside the seat of his pants.

"Hinata…" he began, quietly. "I think there's something crawling on my—"

Hinata moved fast, before he could cry out, she shoved her sleeve into his mouth, and restrained him with her other three limbs. While some part of her felt bad watching Naruto squirmed in her arms, his ass assaulted by thousands of biting ants, it was just as hard to keep from laughing as it was to hold on.

Hanabi, however, had no such inhibitions. Naruto was far too busy with his own dilemma to hear her, so she cackled and guffawed to her heart's content.

"Did something funny just happen?" Konohamaru asked, out of the loop. "Why are you laughing so much?"

Hanabi leaned over and whispered something into his ear, and the look of realization was incredibly obvious. He stared at his date with his mouth hanging open like a fish's, in complete and total shock.

"You have got to be kidding me…" he muttered to himself, scanning the bushes for Naruto and Hinata. He saw movement behind one of the larger shrubs, and was getting to his feet, but Hanabi pulled him back down and whispered more into his ear. Whatever she had said must not have convinced him, because with as much theatricality as he could manage, he pointed to Naruto's hiding spot.

"Naruto! I'm gonna kick your ass for this!" He jumped into the bushes. Hinata was thrown away in the confusion, out into the open.

"Yeah, get him, Konohamaru!" Hanabi cheered, grinning wickedly. "Teach his ass a lesson!"

Naruto came stumbling through the bushes a few seconds later, tightly wrapped up in Konohamaru's scarf. From the way he was still trying to reach back to his ass, Konohamaru had taken advantage of Naruto's concentration being elsewhere.

"Hey, what the hell's the big idea!?" Naruto cried, trying to free himself. What are you doing?"

Konohamaru laughed. "What am I doing? Why, I'm getting revenge, of course! Hanabi-chan here tells me you're the reason that or date's been one of the worst in history!"

"How did you find out about that? I was so careful!" Naruto's eyes searched for truth, and he found it when Hinata's wouldn't meet his own. "Hinata…it was _you_?"

"Don't blame your girlfriend, Naruto," said Hanabi, stepping forward. "I knew about long before she came clean. She thought you were taking things a little too far, and we're inclined to agree."

Naruto hissed. "Me? Overdo it? Never! You guys just can't take a joke! I'll show you all what it means to get pranked! Mark my words!" He started laughing maniacally, minus the occasional grunt of pain when a lingering and took a bite out of his ass. By now, it more than likely resembled a piece of hamburger meat more than it did a rear-end.

"As if!" Konohamaru snorted. "It's our turn, so prepare yourself." He stomped back into the woods and returned holding Naruto's bag of tricks. "Let's see what we have in here…"

Naruto began to sweat as he watched Konohamaru dig through the bag's contents, hoping he wouldn't find anything too dangerous.

Konohamaru grinned. "An eye for an eye, I've been told." He produced a very familiar bottle, shaking it in his hands. "I was hoping I'd come across this."

"Get that stuff away from me!" Naruto yelped, leaping to his feet. He tried hopping away, but Konohamaru stepped on the trail of his scarf, and Naruto plunged back to the ground, bouncing off the dirt by his chin.

Konohamaru took his chance. He pinched Naruto's nose between two fingers, and poured as much of the sauce down Naruto's throat as he could. The reaction was almost immediate. Naruto's face turned bright red, his eyes welled with tears, and soon he was snorting flames from his nose, rolling in the grass in vain.

Naruto spied a pond nearby, and rolled as fast as he belly could carry him. He plunged into the water, and howled.

Hanabi started laughing, pouring the rest of the ice out of the cooler and onto the ground. "Didn't think that one through, did you?"

It was the worst of the two worlds. Inside his mouth was hellfire, but on the outside, he was drenched in ice cold water. Even though fire was shooting out of his mouth, it did nothing to warm him.

From the sidelines, Hinata was beginning to feel uncomfortable with this. She still supported Naruto, and watching him endure this was a little hard. It was still funny, but hard.

"I th-think that's enough, everyone…" she said, trying to speak over the growing chaos. "I'm sure Naruto-kun's learned his lesson."

"Not yet!" Konohamaru declared! "There's still one more piece of unfinished business left to attend to…" As everything else fell silent around them, the sound of him unzipping his pants was deafening.

Naruto started squirming harder than ever, a stream of foul curses tearing past his lips. He tried rolling away, but Konohamaru fumbled after him, reading to enact his piss-brand of revenge.

Hinata could watch no longer. She leaped into action. With one precise strike, she cut Naruto's bindings, freeing him. While he jumped to safety, Hinata distracted Konohamaru by throwing the remnants of his scarf in his face, and pushing him into her sister. They tumbled into the ice water, crying out in surprise.

"Go go go!" Hinata hissed, sprinting out of her own garden, following Naruto down the street. They left a cloud of dust in their wake.

Hanabi, sputtering and shivering, hoisted Konohamaru and herself out of the water.

"Dammit, Hinata!" she growled, sneezing. "You'll pay for this!" She sneezed again, wiping her nose.

Konohamaru wiped the excess water from his eyes, his teeth chattering. "C-can we just finish our date, please? No m-more pranking or anything like that?"

Hanabi wanted to argue, but he looked so pitiful standing there, freezing. As fun as an evening of getting back at Naruto would have been, maybe it was for the best to drop it for now.

She sighed. "Alright. Let's head inside. I'll get the food together and you can go shower off, okay?"

Konohamaru smiled from ear to ear, and gratefully headed inside. Hanabi scooped together what remained of their meal, and followed him.

* * *

Back at Naruto's apartment, he and Hinata had spent the rest of the day recuperating from the day's events. After a multi-hour nap, their stomachs were grumbling, and it was time for dinner. Naruto offered to make it in thanks for Hinata bailing him out, and as he cooked, she sat in the kitchen with him, looking through the rest of Naruto's bag, which she had grabbed before leaving.

"How long did it take you to get all this stuff together?" she asked.

"Years and years, and I'm always on the lookout for more," he explained. "I guess I should find something soon, to get back at your sister and Konohamaru. No one pulls one over me like that!"

Hinata smiled sweetly. "I'm s-sorry I helped them. I didn't really know what I was doing."

Naruto turned around, and shot her a happy smile. "Oh, don't worry about that! You didn't really do anything, you know? Besides, I guess I was getting a little crazy out there."

They sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, while Hinata reached the last few items in Naruto's bag. She recognized a shaker that Naruto had deemed 'too far' back at the restaurant. A vacant smile on her lips, she turned it over in her hands. "Naruto-kun?" she called.

"Hmm?"

"What's this in here? You never told me what it did."

Naruto chuckled quietly when he saw it. "That, my dear, is one of the most powerful laxatives known to man. Even the smallest amount can put anyone on the toilet for hours. I haven't found a good enough excuse to use it yet."

As he went back to his cooking, Hinata sat frozen in her seat. In the chaos of their escape, Hinata had grabbed something out of Naruto's bag to take one last revenge on Konohamaru and her sister. As she stared at the now _empty_ shaker, she considered that maybe from now on, she should be a little more careful.

She pocketed the shaker, hoping Naruto forgot about it. There was nothing she could do for her sister and Konohamaru now but hope they didn't have to endure this for long.

The world of pranking could be a dangerous one, after all. Perhaps this battle of wits was but the first of many…

* * *

**Author's Note:** I have a feeling that Naruto and Hinata vs. Hanabi and Konohamaru could be the start to a beautiful (and violent) relationship, so I decided to leave things open. Perhaps we'll see another round in the future?

Anyway, let me know if you liked it or not! If you have an idea for a one-shot, just let me know. I'll be writing another chapter for my first (and largest) fic, so if you haven't checked it out yet, I hope to see you there sometime!

Until next time.


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